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I know that my husband is a liar and his reality is very different from mine. I have witnessed him change face. The woman my husband verbally assaulted has put in a complaint to the police about the incident affecting her. My husband will say anything to save himself. He will compose himself in a flash and be charm itself and pour the blame onto the other person.
I dare not speak to him about anything more than the weather.
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Hi Maddog,
Sorry to hear you don’t feel safe. Are you still living with him or did you manage to leave? If you have left is he harassing you? If you are still with him have you got a plan in place to leave yet? It sounds very positive that this woman reported him and that he will have to pay for the assault but I definitely understand your fear if you are still having to live with him.
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We are still under the same roof but without contact. Yesterday he cooked supper for one of the children but not the other sighting that it was an ‘early’ supper. It wasn’t. My husband either provides cremated remains or undercooked potatoes, every time he cooks. He does not clean ever, but takes the bins out (wow! bow to the superstar!) and won’t let me do the washing up.
I’m not sure the police will do anything about the complaint. He apparently threatened to hold the woman up by the neck. I really hope the PC who I have been in touch with is able to join the dots. There have been others he has lost his temper with. He calls it getting a bit upset. For anyone else it is terrifying.
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Sorry to hear that you are still having to live with him. Did you manage to get through to the helpline to make a plan to either remove him or move out (depending on your financial/home ownership etc) situation? It must be awful having to live with an abuser especially as you can see him really clearly now so aren’t fooled by any of his love bombing any more, if he still tries to do it.
I was only with my ex a short amount of time but I am certain he would have ended up the same way. The first time I invited him round to cook a nice dinner together he seemed a bit ‘off’ and I wrote in my diary ‘it’s almost as if he was annoyed that I thought he would want to help and instead expected me to cook it for him.’ I dismissed this as ludicrous in this day and age but just a few months later he was sat on my sofa on his phone (probably texting other women) while I cooked his dinner. He came in the kitchen and begrudingly helped chop up one vegetable before going back to sit down and then later on defensively brought up how he had helped by chopping one vegetable (as though he was doing me a massive favour)! Lol they are all the same, crazy deluded entitled 1950’s style sexist thinking. I really hope you can get away from him soon so that you can start to build the good life that you deserve. You seem like a very kind person and don’t deserve any of what he has put you through. Please keep safe.
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You are absolutely not safe. Nothing about that man is safe and your gut is telling you this. We minimise their behaviour and that’s how we end up getting badly hurt. This is when they are most dangerous. When they start to lose control. It wasn’t long before my ex assaulted me after I ended it and tried staying under the same roof. It’s just not safe.
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More confusion . This time about money. When this all kicked off, my husband yelled at me to close the joint account. I saw no urgency but have opened a new account which my tax credits are now paid into. There are still standing orders on the joint account, (detail removed by moderator) I tried to sort it out and when I told my husband I needed his help he told me not to be stupid, so I didn’t do it. My husband has plenty of form in thinking he has far more money than he actually does, and blaming his wife for not making up the shortfall. I am not the first wife.
Anywayyyyyy… I have sorted out my tax, my tax credits, the new account, and not quite got to where I can close the joint account and shift everything over as there is still money being paid into it.
(detail removed by moderator) my husband said to me that he has noticed that I hadn’t been using the joint account. I haven’t used it because I didn’t want it to get overdrawn and I wanted to move everything over when it was in credit and I knew how much per month how much I could expect, including any tax credits.
He questioned me about what I had been spending money on. He has never before taken any interest.
(detail removed by moderator)
I guess I am doubting myself. But it’s my husband’s name at the top of the document and he says he did it.
I really hope to take the animals. I am responsible for health, parasite control, vaccs, training and behaviour, grooming and sometimes food. He is responsible for mostly buying food and untraining, and paying a few vet bills.
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Are you getting legal advice, he can run up huge debts in a joint account and you are liable for half unless you have a legal separation in place. Regarding the animals if his name is on the insurance this msy give him legal ownership. You really need to be careful and when youre sensing confusion then he is upto something.
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He told me that we had to close the joint account together. This is not what the bank tells me. The account will be closed . I need to organise an overwhelming desk of bits of paper!
KIP, I understand where you are coming from. I can feel you in my heart and it’s wonderful.I feel unsafe because of what I have learned and because of his reaction. My husband switches.
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