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So I know my whole relationship with my childs father was abusive. He was very violent and emotionally abusive. And with the help of women’s aid I am now free. But I still cant sleep at night. Within the first few months of meeting him he asked me to sleep with someone else. I said no but he would get aggressive untill I did Say yes. This happened for (detail removed by Moderator). We hardly ever had sex as a normal couple. Someone please tell me if it is. I felt and still feel disgusting for what I did. I cant sleep I haven’t felt ‘clean’ in years. The other guy knew what was happening to. But I agreed right? So that means its not abuse right?
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No! That’s not right! (Sorry not shouting – just being very firm)
Making you do anything you feel uncomfortable with is abuse.
Consent is not consent unless freely given. Coercive control is against the law.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am still working through (waiting and waiting for counseling) what my husband put me through and struggling with labelling it as rape cause thats what it was…
x
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It was abuse, because he was using fear tactics to make you do something you weren’t happy about. You said yes because you were scared of the outcome if you said no. He was already getting aggressive.
It’s disgusting what he did to you. I think
it’s a huge transgression of normal
boundaries. It’s bad enough that some men pressurise women into sleeping with them too early on, but to make their partner feel that they must sleep with someone else too and that they aren’t allowed to say no…!You might find it helpful to call the Rape Crisis helpline, as your experience counts as sexual abuse. Don’t forget that he was the perpetrator- you were the victim. He guilt is his. He knew your vulnerabilities, and exploited them.
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