I dont know, sorry

[Elephanttrunk]

Things have got worse than i thought they could.
He broke a bone recently and i waited nearly a week to go to the hospital about it. Hes went mental because I did im attention seeking.

Ive been sleeping on the couch since before Christmas when he done my hand nerve damage and hr came in and ***** ****** *. *% **%

The police have been called by a neighbour but everytime i freeze up, at least I don’t defend him anymore.

I have been to womens aid i am on there waiting list.

But i dont know what is wrong with me i know hes going to kill me its getting worse and he has even started saying it his self and he choked me twice recently. I am broken every time i start to feel a bit stronger and able to get him out he does something that sends me back into this state.
Its like a headache i cant think because of and it won’t go away cause he won’t

[Escapee]

Hi Ele’

It sounds like you need to get out now! Please don’t wait for him to go as he won’t.

Can you get to your GP? If you can tell your GP and ask to be classed as a vulnerable adult, then social services will get involved and get you out asap. This can all be done much quieter than calling the police. Or just get your important stuff together and get to a police station and say you need to go to a refuge.

Once you’re out and safe you can worry about everything else, lean on others for support and start the long process of healing.

It’s so hard to find the strength but just gather enough to take the first steps.

I hope some other amazing women can give you more advice, especially the ones that have been in such a dangerous position as you xx

[KIP.]

You’re stuck in trauma. Frozen in trauma. You need someone to act on your behalf if you freeze. Please tell your GP and ring women’s aid and tell them it’s urgent you get help soon. Perhaps write it down and give it to the police. Thats what I had to do. I just froze x

[Lisa]

Hi there Elephanttrunk, I wanted to offer some support this morning. This is extremely dangerous behaviour, the other’s are right you really do need to get some support in place as things are escalating.

When was the last time you made contact with Women’s Aid? It would be certainly worth following this up as soon as you can. You can also get some support from Women’s Aid through the Live Chat

I would also encourage you to speak to your GP as soon as possible.

Take care

Best wishes

Lisa

[Elephanttrunk]

I have been to my gp and they know bits of what he has done, it was my gp who suggested i come on here, and contact womens aid.
I am on the waiting list for women’s aid which is 6 months i was told, so only another 2 to wait.
I they have said I can access their drop in, which i have twice now. I am not sure how helpful it is though. I am aware of my situation and aware i need to get him out. I just keep backing down. Im not sure how to challenge that.
I keep saying next time he does something or next time the police come i will say something. Then i freeze up and get really anxious that i will regret it if I do say something. It opens a can of worms and I cant go back on it once I do.
It is so stupid i dont know what i wrong with me at all anymore.
All the things that i said if a partner done to me again i would end it straight away and i haven’t got him out and hes done them all and more.
Every day is so miserable and restricted. I am so isolated and alone. I try to not let him isolate me but he normally manages to do what he wants to me.
I just don’t know what has to happen for me to stand up for myself for once. Its my flat so it has to be him that goes not me.

[KIP.]

Hey, if it’s your flat then it’s a little easier legally. Perhaps you could ring a local solicitor for some legal advice. Knowledge is power. Know your rights. Changing the lock and moving his belongings somewhere is an option. Or write your own statement when you’re feeling strong. Reading Living with the Dominator and learn about the dynamics of abuse. Can you afford some private counselling or check out if there are charities locally who can help.

[Agapantha]

Your reaction to the abuse, as in staying, its not weakness,its what we all did and its mostly about biology.

Our brain is hard wired to react to a threat by pumping adrenaline into our bodies. It is impossible to think straight or make sensible plans for getting out with adrenalin pumping round your body. It causes that planning and strategy part of your brain to shut down.

To have a short bursts of adrenaline to deal with an immediate threat is helpful. But you have probably been suffering from long term adrenaline overload wondering when the next attack is going to be. This is very difficult to live with. Him getting you to live like that is part of his power.

This will be the same for all the women on this group… not a sign of weekness.

A great way to control anyone is to keep them in a state of confusion and anxiety. This is a part of how he is controlling you not a reflection on how week you are.

For me, I met someone in a group that reminded me that I had used to be adventourous and daring (in some areas of my life). I remembered that side that was freedom loving and carefree and bold and brave and I realised how much I missed that side of myself. I put that side of myself in charge. I actaully imagined she was almost like a different person, one who had not suffered the abuse. One who was excited about leaving instead of scared. That is what did it for me.

Telling myself off never helped.I never made it on to this group unitl after I left.. I wasnt brave enough to look. You are already showing braver than me.

Something will happen for you too. Some trigger and you will go too. Maybe something you have read here on the forum, will make you suddenly go lets do this… its time to act and before you know it it will be done and you will be on here supporting other women who left…like me

Can;t wait to meet you on the other side.

Until then do something to help you feel good, remember those happy times when you did feel strong.

[KIP.]

I like that. I too can’t wait to meet you on the other side 👍

[Elephanttrunk]

Ive made another post but wanted to add it here. I done it yesterday. I got help from my neighbour and the police came and charged him and hes gone out my house. Finally.
Agapantha-
“For me, I met someone in a group that reminded me that I had used to be adventourous and daring (in some areas of my life). I remembered that side that was freedom loving and carefree and bold and brave and I realised how much I missed that side of myself. I put that side of myself in charge. I actaully imagined she was almost like a different person, one who had not suffered the abuse. One who was excited about leaving instead of scared. That is what did it for me.”
I para phrased this that the other day, and ive made a painting with the words on it. Thank you, you hit the nail on the head with that and i just kept saying it for days, along with everything else I’ve been saying for months and it obviously was the missing piece to my thinking.
The adrenaline hasn’t gone away and I keep thinking ive made a mistake and feeling sorry for him but at the sametime i regret it not being today so he was in for the weekend. Not to be petty just i feel everything was rushed with the police and a weekend would have given them more time.

[KIP.]

Try not to worry and let them do their job. It’s out of your hands and he only has his behaviour to blame. He left you no option. Just try to concentrate on yourself and your healing and take all the help offered. And do some more 🖼 painting. Sounds wonderful x

[Author]

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