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I am new to this site and cannot believe how ex is behaving still. He has controlled me for years and just won’t give up. (detail removed by moderator). I have to text him about things as the thought of seeing or speaking to him make me anxious to the point I feel physically sick and shake. I shake when texting as I don’t know what the answer will be like or even if I will answer questions I have asked. Sadly he has taken my oldest son , who is now (detail removed by moderator) and so I feel I have lost him and he is now being controlled by his Father. My (detail removed by moderator) son has ADHD and ODD and his Father felt the need to question if he was even his. (detail removed by moderator) I just don’t know what to do- reporting these behaviours to the police gets me nowhere they do not understand controlling behaviour at all. What can I do- I don’t want to be in tough with him but have to because of the children. Feeling scared in case he turns up and he has his ‘red mist, angry to the point he doesn’t remember what he has said or done’ head on.
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Hello and welcome. He absolutely does remember what he says and does, but it’s easier to just deny it. My advice is to get support from your local women’s aid. To get a child arrangement order in place which if he breaks he can be arrested. And to get a third party to act on your behalf for all contact. Either a friend or family member. Also to inform him that he is absolutely forbidden to turn up at your home or you will call the police. I’d also notify the local police that he’s been informed so they are alert and can put a marker on your home and phone in case you need them. He wants contact with you to continue his abuse. He will get bored when he can’t contact you and see the hurt he’s causing you. That’s the part he enjoys. Don’t give him the satisfaction. Meantime keep all his abusive texts and messages and keep a journal of his abusive behaviour. You do not have to put up with this kind of abuse. Gather your support network around you. Women’s aid. Your GP. The police. Get some free legal advice. Most solicitors offer a free initial consultation.
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Thank you for support. I called police (detail removed by moderator) Police weren’t really interested and do not understand the fear controlling behaviour invokes. I asked to speak with a trained officer but they said no point unless he actually does something physical. Thankfully, I got a call for some counselling I had been waiting for and that’s on (detail removed by moderator) so it may clear my head a bit. (Detail removed by moderator). If he put as much effort into sorting things out and being reasonable instead of being an idiot and completely nasty and self-centered then we could all try and move on. I know I have to stop expecting this and keep standing up to him but it gets very tiring. I hope you are safe and well yourself.
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Hi there, no you do not have to wait until he does something physical, It’s too late then for many women. Stalking and Harrassment is a crime way before it gets physical and that law was passed for the very reason that we know harrassment can escalate. If you have the strength then don’t be fobbed off by the police. Log every single incident with them as it will build a pattern of behaviour. If you have support from women’s aid, many are in contact with their local domestic abuse police department and that’s where yoU need to connect. We have moved on from the days when we had to wait to be beaten black and blue before the police acted. That officer needs dragged into the 21st century. There are good officers and lazy bad ones. There is a point in speaking to a trained officer, I was fobbed off Too but please keep trying. It’s their job to keep you safe x
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