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Hello!
I’ m new here and also have a problem.
I recently moved to my mom because I’m searching for a job in the city where she lives and she said I should stay with her before I find the job and new flat. My mom is very supportive and that helps me so much when I’m stressed etc. The main problem is her partner. He hates me. A few years ago I had a big fight with him because of the things he said about me (for example that I’m lazy, useless etc.).
The few years flew quickly and I thought we are good. So I moved to my mom and the first 2 -3 days was ok. Then he started with the topic what I will do and how, he said I have no future here and I won’t find any job here. I said that I’m nee here and know what to do and I’ll be good. After a few days he chganged for worse. He doesn’t talk with me. He says to my mom that she’s gonna regret that I’m here, that he doesn’t tolerate me because I AM NOT NORMAL. He also said he doesn’t want me here. Of course all the things he said to my mom but loudly enough so I could hear. Yesterday he was drunk and as I came back from my job interview and was on the phone with a friend of mine I heard him saying “stupid cu**t”. I locked myself in my room and just waited for my mom to come.
As I’m searching for a job I’m mostly at home and sometimes I go out to see something or for a job interview. He’s staying at home because he has no job since some time. When I’m at home with him I feel super stressed. I just sit in my room. I’m really worried he’s gonna do something like kicking me out. I don’t know what to do and I can’t wait to have a job and move out. But right now the situation is hard. I have anxiety, can’t sleep and just being tired. I’m reaching here for help because I just can’t live like that. 😓 -
Hi Cherryxo, I just want to give you a big mommabear hug.💔 You must be feeling so alone just now. The way your mum’s partner is treating you is the way my oh treated my children when they were younger. He’s a bully and I don’t think by the sound of it your mum knows he’s abusive or admitted that to herself too.
You shouldn’t be dealing with this on your own, is there any other family members close by you can talk to also? If not try to speak to someone at women’s aid. Would it be worth while going to college instead, maybe as a live in student?
Welcome to the forum sweetheart, living with the dominater is a good book and will give an insight into the type of abuser your mum is living with and you are at the moment.
He’s a cheek going on about you not getting a job esp when he’s not working himself, living off your mum.
You have to understand the dynamics of abuse and how these men love chaos and creating wedges between family. Look up grey rock, it’s a method of dealing with an abuser while living in the same house as them. I wish you the best of luck on the job front and in living as practically and peacefully as is possible until your own place comes up.
IWMB 💕💕-
Thank you for the answer. It’s really heartwarming to know that there are a lot of supportive ladies! ❤️
The situation is hard but I’ve talked with my mom about that. I know she’s not ready to change anything but she said if he treats me like that and won’t change for better then she has to do something. I also talked with my grandparents and my best friend about that and they’re as supportive as ever which is great. Once I get a job I’m gonna start to look for a room or small flat. Then I can live stress free. I hope that my mom will rethink the whole situation and take the right steps because she deserves someone who is a good and right person.
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Dear cherryxo,
Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to read about the behaviour of your mother’s partner, and how he is treating both you and her. Perhaps, when he is not around, you could try talking to your mom about this problem. Although you may have to be prepared that she may not be ready to make any changes.
It sounds like you need to look after yourself as much as possible until you are in a position to move out. You could talk to your local council about housing, or ring Shelter on 0808 800 4444 to find out about your housing rights and options. If you needed to get out in an emergency you can ring the Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to look for refuge.
For some local support, and to perhaps attend some groups to learn more about the dynamics of domestic abuse, you could contact your local domestic abuse service.
Keep posting,
Lisa
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That’s good to read that your mum does see his behaviour💛 it never dawned on me my oh was abusive or that I’d leave. it’s also heartening to read your grandparents and friends are close and supportive. You know you don’t have to wait till you get a job to get your own place, by being abused WA can help you with housing(if available) as can local council. I’m really sorry you’re going through this and hope you’ll be living Stress free soon. It’ll be somewhere your mum could go to , short-term as well💜💜
Best wishes.
IWMB 💕💕
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