I don’t know what to do

[honeyblossom]

(Detail removed by moderator) ago in (detail removed by moderator), I met a boy. He was (detail removed by moderator). I was (detail removed by moderator). He started becoming very abusive and manipulative. Just before we started (detail removed by moderator), he tried to rape me. I managed to get away and hide in his (detail removed by moderator) before my mum came to get me. He told me if I was to tell anyone he would hurt me and my family. I was terrified.
We then started (detail removed by moderator). He would hit me, hurt me and throw my food away and tell me if I was to eat he would hurt me. He told me I wasn’t allowed to see any of my friends. I soon became very very skinny and very ill due to not eating. I couldn’t break up with him I was too scared. In the end I found out he cheated on me and it was my way of an escape. I still had to go to school with him. I dropped out of school after (detail removed by moderator) because of my mental health caused by all this.
(Detail removed by moderator) later and I’ve finally opened up about it to my mum.
I should of done something at the time but was too scared. Now because of this covid-19, I’ve had the time to sit and think about it and it’s making my life hell again .
I don’t know what to do and it’s starting to effect my current relationship.
I’m (detail removed by moderator) and no I can take this further but I don’t know if I can. I have no evidence. Because I told no one. A teacher felt something was going on and saw some things but I denied it.
So I don’t think I can go further because it’s my word again this I have no evidence .
He now lives in my village and I’m terrified I’m going to see him and he’s going to do something.
I want him to be punished for what he did, but I don’t know how.
Do you have any suggestions ?

 

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, welcome to the forum. First off, well done in opening up, it’s the hardest thing to do but it’s the first tentative steps. Nonone says you have to take this further, you only do that IF it’s what you want to do. Also please know that you don’t have to divulge any of this to your current boyfriend. There’s far too much onus on being open and not keeping secrets in new relationships. Ive yet to find anyone who won’t use what happened to you against you one way or another.
So he knows what he tried to do was wrong, he’d not have threatened you otherwise. There is a time limit on reporting these kind of situations but there’s nothing stopping you filling out an online report through Clare’s law. You find your relative police force eg police Scotland or the metropolitan police, go online and fill out a report online. It will also help future girlfriends of his if they feel the need to question his behaviour. He won’t know it’s come from you. The police gather evidence differently now though not all forces are up to date with the training. The way they question is totally different, I think you can report any abuse like attempted rape/rape up to 2years afterwards as it used to be only 6 months as they know it can take years to come to terms with it. If you want advice contact your local police station but make sure to ask for officers who are trained in DA (domestic abuse). Your mum knows, have you told anyone else, your doctor perhaps? The more people that know what he did, the less he can intimidate you. Once a secret sees the light of day it can’t be hidden.
Keep posting, if you need to contact rape crisis and womens aid.the more you talk about this the less he can hold it over you. This is his shame not yours.
Love and strength IWMB 💞

[honeyblossom]

Thank you so much for all this you are so lovely, it’s really means a lot to me thank you.
I didn’t tell anyone else. I was so scared he was going to find out so I kept it all in. However it did course a lot of very bad mental health which made me not leave my house for months and I had to leave school and I couldn’t work and stuff ( my panic attacks made me vomit) so all my doctors and stuff know about that but not what caused it. I’m gonna have a look at that website you mentioned.
Thank you so much 💖💖

[Iwantmeback]

You’re very welcome. Next time you’re at the doctors try and open up, let them know the cause. Symptoms can’t be fixed until the root cause is exposed. Remember it is not your shame. Shame on him. Keep posting sweetheart, a family member was grooming me at a very young age, I’ve been forced to have sex with boyfriends and my husband, though when your married you don’t realise it is,rape. So we know what and how you feel. Learn what your boundaries are, what you will accept in relationships,what you won’t. I remember when I was younger how I felt so ugly because I didn’t have a boyfriend. Soon found out to have,a bf you had to do things you didn’t want to, then got called all sorts of names even though you hadn’t done anything. Dont let what he has done define you. Live the best life you can, he is nothing.
IWMB 💞💞

[honeyblossom]

I’m so sorry all that has happened to you. There’s someone awful people about. I hope you’re in a better place now 💖
I’m gonna speak to my doctor soon, and go back to my therapist I used to see and tell her all about him to see if she can help me now I’ve opened up.
Thank you again, you’re so lovely 💖 x

[Lisa]

Hi honeyblossom,

I just wanted to show you some support. Sorry to hear about what you have been through. Thank you Iwantmeback for opening up and giving such kind support.

I just wanted to clarify that anyone can report domestic abuse and attempted rape at any time, there is no time limit. It may be that it is harder to prove as time goes on but it’s up to police to see if they can gather the evidence. You could speak to your local domestic abuse service or sexual violence service and they can talk you through your options and then you can make a decision on whether you want to report or not. It’s good to see that you are already planning to get support from your GP and therapist.

Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are doing.

Lisa

[Anonymous]

[Author]

Posts