i dont think i can carry on much further

[ineedtosurvivethis]

I’ve been posting up quite a lot about this Lucifer being in my life. He’s somehow wormed his way in by accusing me of ss referrals and then lying about what they have said various times to where they just dont add up. He wants to thrive off me having to defend myself to him which means running to him and pandering which I would always do. And it worked for a few days. He had his flying monkey tactics and smear campaign he even knew that after I arrived back from my break what I was wearing and that I had my hair all chopped off (thus trying to remove all toxicities from my locks of hair! 😉) he has waged a campaign so awful that it made me almost look criminal and then he wanted to me to help him look good for SS. I have not even bothered. I get phone calls at midnight from him asking why I haven’t called. I get aggressive phone calls in the day accusing me of something I haven’t done. To the point now where I really dont give two hoots anymore. I’ve reached breaking point where I can see this man isn’t going to change he’s manipulating and using the worst damning tactics. After all the stuff he has said about me in recent weeks and I’m here scratching my head as to why I feel I need to defend myself to him. He doesn’t care. He’s getting a kick out of it. I just want him to move on as silly as it sounds and painful. I have just reached that point now where I’m done with it all. So when he called me this afternoon I rejected it. I felt bad for doing it. A part of me felt this horrible painful twang that maybe I should have picked up the phone but it just would have been more abuse. I’m seriously worn out by all of it and he doesn’t give a toss who he is affecting! Its all about him. I’m so glad we didn’t marry or have kids. He is a monster and it only seems now that no contact is the best way to beat this. I need some help regarding no contact as i hear its ghastly! But I think I need to do this. Maybe put my phone in a jar and throw it off a cliff. Just so no contact. I hate him but I love him at the same time. Its messing with my head. 😔

[keepmovingfoward]

No contact is alot less ghastly than what he’s doing to you at the moment. you can block his number easily on most smartphones, you wont even know if he’s tried to call or text you. (on my samsung i think its called reject – on specific contact settings) dont remove his number just set it to block or reject. do the same on social media. if you have any shared friendships determine their loyalities and do the same to them.
I wouldn’t have got this far without no contact. it was the only way SS would accept i’d moved on an close my case. he was a risk to my children due to online stuff i found out about when the police knocked on the door one morning.

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thank you. He has a kid with someone else (poor woman) and he was just as abusive to her but he lacks intelligence to see that it probably her doing the reporting. She has taken him to court various times this year and made his life hell but I somehow have got the blame for this sa referral?? Nothing to do with me. He’s thriving in the attention from us both trying to defend ourselves to him and I’ve given up. I’m not going to make myself look a mug next to her. He can think what he wants. He will still continue to smear campaign and make me look a bad person. I’m just so fed up with it. Thank you for being so kind to reply. I have been tearing my hair out constantly since. No contact is probably the best. Infact I know it is. I just have to be strong about it. I just hate how he weedles his way back into my life, causing destruction and then just trying to shut me down. I’m seriously done with it all. Plus he makes out he doesn’t care but he has plenty of vultures watching my every move! Its exhausting! He has actually made it very clear to people that I’m the one who’s nuts. If only they knew. .. But its gone too far now. Too far. X x

[keepmovingfoward]

No worries, i have found the longer i’ve gone without contact the stronger and more liberated i feel and the less likely i am to initiate any contact. I have one further need of contact to arrange for him to get his belongings then he is out of my life. with the exception of the pending divorce. but thankfully we have no children together and our finances are reasonably clear cut. and with the reasoning behind it all he’d be hard pushed to try and get anything out of me.

protect yourself, let yourself heal, see if theres a freedom programme running local to you.

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thanks chick. Yeh he’s been intouch again tonight. Saying its all me and that he was the one who put up with me and saying stuff that I felt I had to defend myself to. The guy is so n**********c and arrogant. I just felt so terrible speaking to him and taking what he said to me that afterwards I spoke to someone and read your post and thought… ‘wait a minute, its not me’ very good at manipulation.
You’re right. The more no contact the better. Leave him to deal with whatever. I cannot fight to defend myself anymore. He will keep on saying the stuff anyway, nothing I can do will stop that. Im so sorry you went through all of that. Sounds like you have gad a tough time of it too. Thank you for being so so kind to me. I cannot stress how its lifted me from the terrible downward spiral I was falling into an hour ago. Xxxx

[SunshineRainflower]

Yes no contact is the only way forward, any contact is used as fuel by these types of men, they thrive off of our pain, any reaction is good enough for them. Once you stop responding it really throws them, they go into meltdown mode and you can expect all sorts of hoovering tactics to get you to respond from declarations of love to hate mail to suicide threats to sending you a birthday card etc.

My ex tried calls, emails, messages, social media contact and even post, he even admitted how he couldn’t handle being ‘cut off’ from me like I was some kind of power supply! They literally feed off of our emotions. No contact can be painful because it is where we face our wounds and our pain, but we have to do this in order to heal. It is much, much, much better though than dealing with an abuser. It is mostly peaceful and gives you the time and space to reflect, heal and then ultimately move on. It sounds like he knows exactly what to say and do to get you to react, it is hard at first but if you can step back and just see it all objectively as manipulation it becomes easier to ignore. Save it as evidence for the police and just keep ignoring it, and start concentrating on yourself and what you enjoy so that he gradually will start taking up less of your headspace.

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Thanks sunflower. He keeps saying to me that I have to leave him alone! He keeps threatening ne to drop the reports to the police or else. I spoke to them and they are concerned he is trying to control again. I felt like a weight had been lifted tonight. He has caused so much uproar in my life and then blames me for causing trouble to his! I cant understand it! Definitely no contact. No nothing. As of what I have found out tonight. That guy is dead to me.
Thank you so much for being there xx

[KIP.]

Hey, you’ve had great advice but I just wanted to add that first and foremost these men are liars. Do not believe a word he has ever told you. They even confuse themselves with their lies.

[ineedtosurvivethis]

Yeh I noticed his lies weren’t starting to make sense and that even though he was quite happy to turn the finger on me about everything that went wrong. He would say that he hadn’t said such a thing and gaslight. Worst case scenario of a(detail removed by Moderator)! He can tell others what I am but deep down he knows he is the one full of lies. I now wake up thinking ‘oh my god! Why didn’t I see that?’ In the early hours of the morning and my tummy goes all anxious and sick. It truly is vile. I hope he is enjoying his reign because eventually people will get bored of it and there will be no smear campaign anymore.
Second day of re no contact and although is difficult this pain is something I would rather endure than him being next to me in bed. X x thanks chick for your kind words of support x

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