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I was wondering if anyone we else gets in a dreadful state in supermarkets or is it just me? He used to monitor everything I put in the trolley, belittle me & reduce me to tears. Now I can’t go in without getting in a state, I am not sure if this Is purely because of him or also because my anxieties are so high? I feel my chest tightening, my legs feel rigid & I outwardly shake. This is how I get at home too, but it’s awfull when I go food shopping or anywhere else. X
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Oh Blueberry, I couldn’t go into a supermarket for months. I’d have a full -blown panic attack. As part of my PTSD, I became very agoraphobic and couldn’t tolerate open spaces. I’d end up rushing in and out of the corner shop instead (and having to spend more).
I would say, go easy on yourself. It’s all
part of the trauma. Don’t push yourself too hard. Over time, you will feel able to do more things. I don’t believe in pushing yourself too far- you only trigger yourself and set yourself back. You’ll know, over time, what you’re capable of.Try to simplify your day and only do the essentials. Allow plenty of time for comfort and rest. Over time, you can increase your activity to include things you don’t feel up to right now.
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Hi Serenity, I’m so sorry it’s taken me long to reply I’ve had an awful few days I thought I was getting better but then like you say push myself mainly because everyone thinks I’m lazy & putting it on, I’m truly not & I just want to be normal again x
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Ps Serenity I too have ptsd That’s the awful part we do not want to feel like we have to keep Reliving it over & over but we do & it’s awful. I wonder why supermarkets especially affect us so badly, even little shops make me feel awful too x
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Hi
I wasn’t allow to go food shopping for decades, he said I cost him a fortune to feed. I was so scarred when I did my first food shop and the shock when I was under half of what he said it was. I do buy to much because I get excited about eating different food.
May be you could do online shopping if it gets to hard, and go to a supermarket just to walk round and get comfortable in that situation, a friend could go with you.
As we are still in the same house to it sales I try and cook only when he’s out as he is very territorial in the kitchen.
You are doing really well, take your time and it will come
FS x
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Hi Falling skies I was only allowed to go food shopping once in a decade! He went mental each 3 weekly food shop, ours was half the cost of normal households & still he ranted scolded & went on, I got to the point that I was scared if I ate, scared if I didn’t as he monitored & checked food daily, He also had his own treat basket we could not touch! x
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I used to be exactly like that. It gets better. Honestly it does.
I used to panic and come out with less than half the stuff on my shopping list literally shaking, feeling sick and crying in tbe car!
I can do it now. I work to a list – MY list – and am even getting to be confident enough to impulse buy now and again.
Be patient. You’ll get there x*x-
Hi white Rose, I can not wait until his shadow stops following me everywhere I go, I almost feel too in supermarkets he’ll be round the next Isle & that everyone in there is watching everything I put in the trolley or usually basket as a basket full is as much as I can cope with before I just need to head out fast before my anxieties take over & I cry, then everyone thinks your crazy x
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So it is not just me then!
The worst places for his tantrums are the supermarket or out shopping in general. If I dare suggest something else/different or choose something he disagrees with, bam! Or voice my opinion on anything (this can be in general also) Tantrum, chucking the item full force back on the shelf and storming off. I have had a phobia of grocery shopping in supermarkets for many years (if we are not done in around an hour I start to physically shake and feel an urgent need to escape the place) and to bypass all the hassle/grief/angst of tantrums, arguing in the aisles, etc I decided to do most of our shopping online. Much less hassle, I get to choose and there is no comeback unless I forget something and then he has his chance to go ballistic at me. Usually Sundays, the only day he cooks for everyone and I forget to get two whatyoumacallits instead of the one, that I usually order and is usually plenty for our needs. Oh and I also get to put everything away (cos this is one of the many, many things that are taken for granted in my household).
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Hi Death Angel, you made a point I did too, the putting everything away myself, then he would go through the fridge cupboards cursing & slamming stuff about because I’d done that wrong too x
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Absolutely, same here. Abusers must see the weekly food shop as a perfect opportunity to criticise us on every level. It took me ages to feel OK about it again. To get all the ‘shopping rules’ out of my head, not squashing anything, putting things in the wrong place in the trolley or the car etc. I used to become a nervous wreck and really clumsy because I was so scared of getting it wrong. Many a time so I left I’ve sat in the supermarket carpark and cried because I was too scared to go in. Sometimes now I spot other perpetrators shopping with their partners. One day I heard one sneeringly say “you’re not very good at shopping are you?” I felt like marching over to him and telling him what I thought! Instead I tried to communicate “leave him, he’s an ***hole” to her with my eyes!! There is hope though, as I can actually enjoy shopping now and always end up chatting to people while I’m there, it almost passes for a social life lol! Xx
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Hi Peaceful Pig I spot the perpetrators too & same as you I want to tell everyone what we know, someone told me recently that some woman enjoy being controlled & abused, but in a supermarket in public is one of the things that is worse. You learn that supposedly abusers do it behind closed doors not in public but I am learning on here that the in public is common to a lot of us x
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