I escape abuse and now being manipulated by my employer because of my religion!

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Ladies!!! I am in shock and I’m numb! I’ve just realised that I am being victimised because of my religion. At the beginning this person was very pleasant for me, took an interest in me as a person and was generally on good terms with me. Them boom it changes because apparently what I did ‘was behind their back’. I had another altercation with them but this time I mentioned my religion they said it was nothing to do with that, they’ve backed off and they realise they are treading on thin ice here.

But for me, what I find disgusting is how this person has treated me and thinks they can continue to treat me. They have been very aggressive where I felt really intimated. If anyone else did that to me I would feel like there going to hurt me! I can’t unfortunately leave as ive had gaps in my CV because of all of that stuff with him but I’m trying to find a coping mechanism. No-one likes this person Nd they do this to everyone but I still feel incredibly victimised because they behaved in a certain way with me because they knew it would have an affect on me. I’ve got this job through an agency and I’m keeping them updated. I have so considered joining a union (obviously keeping it quiet), making a record of everything and if I can trying to make a record of it. I just feel so sad because I’ve gone out of one bad situation into another! I want to leave but I can’t! Someone help! Xxxx

[KIP.]

Hi, I feel that I am very sensitive to abusers now. It’s like my radar can pick them out when before I didn’t recognise it as abusive behaviour. You are doing the right thing by recording the behaviour. Shame when it creeps into work. It’s good that you have made the agency aware.

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Hi KIP I know exactly how you feel about to be sensitive about these types of people. It was lid they lured me in, was nice to me and now his real personality has come out. I explained that they cannot speak to staff like this and they just didn’t expect me to do that. I am now in much better place and more aware of things and I feel that I can handle it. I’m not happy I have to handle it and I know it’s discrimination, harassment etc because they constantly criticised me about things at the beginning and they are practically patronising me. But now, I have such an amazing support network I’m trying to be positive by thinking I’ll get through this. I keep thinking the situation with my husband was temporary as is this situation! Xxxxx

[Falling Skys]

Hi, since starting counselling I too am recognising abusers around me in the workplace, social situations as well as home. Stay strong. FS x

[SaharaD]

I’m quite tough with people at work.

I come in bouncy around smiling (unless I’m physically ill or tired) say hello to everyone but they have all had altercations with me where they know I’m as tough as nails from everything I went through. I famously say I will be the last person working there when they have all been fired or moved on or had to be transferred.

I’ve made statements about what I think is going wrong and what will happen and when it does and then they have to backtrack on their own opinions looking silly.

Go over their b****y head or make it clear to them that you are not scared of raising a grievance and/or taking any bullying further as in head office and the employment tribunal route. This has made one of my managers back off when he realised that I has a lot of support around me including head office and he really had no good reason to interfere with my ability to work effectively by bullying and threats.

So we dance around each other: me and the difficult superiors and the difficult same level colleagues. They know I mostly won’t bite but if I do God help them. So they leave me alone and go and antagonise some other poor person who is less able to withstand their folly.

[Positiveandlookingahead]

That’s exactly what I’m trying to do myself. It’s like I don’t want to be this person but I’ve been given no choice. I’ve been looked at in the wrong way let’s just say this person treats everyone like s**t and they thought that I was young and soft and friendly but little did he know my bite is worse than my bark!!!

I have so much respect girl myself now snd the way that I’ve handled things there is no HR department it’s a small company. I had a similar problem at my previous place and I’ve drawn this conclusion. The next company I work for in my field is not going to be a small company run by a man. It’s going to be a larger company with proper procedures, values and a hard reputation that has been built. This idiot doesn’t realise I had an interview at the best company INTERNATIONALLY and they said to me I just need more experience. This is exactly what I’m doing now. I want to take this challenge on get through it show him I’m not a pushover like other people are (I’ve certainly stood up to him alright), get good solid experience then show him what a mistake he’s made when I hand that notice in and go to an elite company which is definitely not what he runs!

It’s all the same stuff. Sulking, not apologising, causing an atmosphere for others, being deceitful, rude, manipulative, threatening, trying to make me feel small. I know that bosses are never usually nice but this is bringing me down because everything else about it is perfect and I know I’m getting the respect I deserve from the person who I’m responsible at work, the head of my department, clients, other associates. I’ve had nothing but praise off these people. This is all unnecessary and this person knows about the abuse but I had to tell them because of the gaps on my CV. So that’s amother why I feel so targeted. I think I just have to remember this person is a complete idiot no one likes him and I’m going to work so d**n hard that when I do leave he will be sorry and those clients will not want to return to his company!! I just hate those feelings again I’ve got it out of my life and didn’t expect it to come in another way. Xxxx

[lover of no contact]

I too am dealing with similar in my workplace. Thank you for posting about this. It is good to be reminded that this situation is temporary. This too will pass. I had a ‘controller -bully’ work- colleague of the highest order, who would not leave me to do my work in peace but was always on my case and did the ‘shouting at me behaviours’ etc. Well eventually she left (but after a lot of unacceptable behaviour directed at me and other work colleagues). I was not as strong as you to assert myself and tell her that she cannot speak to staff like that. When someone starts shouting at me (I had another one the other day) the shock element just kicks in and I become speechless. The good thing now is I don’t defend, explain, justify myself to them at the time. I don’t give them the argument that they are looking for. I don’t give them a verbal reaction although I can’t help it but it shows in my face they have affected me. And I don’t blame myself and think now if I didn’t do a,b,c,d she wouldn’t have to yell at me. After being yelled at by my work colleague I implemented minimum contact with this person. I recognized that they were abusive by nature. My gut had been saying it for a while. The charm, the stepping over boundaries. I too am recognizing quite early on the red flags that depict an abuser.

Sahara, I need lessons on how to be tough with people at work who are bullying in their behaviour lol. I do it maybe in a passive way but if they have stepped over a line with me by yelling at me.. then I will rarely initiate conversation with that person. I will be polite if they converse with me. I will try to not engage with them. Its the only way I know how to protect myself from their nasty/nice behaviour.

I constantly wonder if I should change jobs but the hours are brilliant, I love the work and the commute is easy. And if I go to another workplace will I still have to deal with similar behaviours. This is my constant dilemma. its is not a healthy work environment. Reducing my hours has helped me. But emotionally after a day of work it takes a long while for my emotions to recover.

Hope my experience helps.

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