I feel a mess…

[Happiermex]

Hi everyone,
I’m back.. I was doing well for a while but Iv seen some pics on my social media on my memories and it has opened up the wound.. not even of him, it’s of a holiday we went on and my daughter was only young and he was so vile seeing her so little makes me
Feel so ashamed! He told me (detail removed by moderator) that he loved me but not her and pointed at my (detail removed by moderator) old daughter, I should have left then and there.. it’s really affected me seeing these photos and now I’m so emotional I can’t stop crying. I left him (detail removed by moderator) he’s moved on and Iv blocked him from every way possible of contacting me I had to cut him out completely. But I am so broken I have been asked out on a date but I’m so over whelmed by fear and of being with someone it’s upsetting. I hope one day I feel ok.

[Soulsearcher18]

Hi Happiermex

I can relate to this, the only pics that I managed to get out were old ones. After the realisation that my entire relationship had been fake and untrue, now I look at these pictures differently and there is a great sadness. That the entire period and all that came with it was false.

I was duped and robbed of what should have been some of the hardest but happiest times of mine and their life, it took years for me to leave and so that prolonged it all.

The only thing that was true in all of it was my love for them.

My eyes are wide open now though, I see everything with more clarity and I’ve taken the stand.

I can’t change what has been, that is not within my control.

All I can do is make positive change here and now and focus on the future.

If that photo is a really unhappy one- perhaps delete it?

My feeling re the date is that if you feel so overwhelmed, maybe now is not the time. It’s still really early days and you may need more time to learn and recover. If this person is special, they will be patient.

How about focusing on doing something for you to celebrate how far you have travelled? Refocus back onto you and yours and away from him.

Make a mummy and daughter date and do something special, capture the moments on camera and put up in a lovely frame in your home and use as your screensaver.

Just some thoughts and ideas. Hope this helps in some way. Hope you are feeling better soon, you’ve done so well.

Soulsearcher

[Happiermex]

That is a lovley idea. I won’t be taking anyone up on there offer of a date anytime soon as I am still very afraid, but my friends seem to think I’m holding out for him to come back? I would never go back I know that for sure… but I still feel very much in the mind set of the control and mind games and fear.. I think I would love some counselling to try and figure it all out but wouldn’t even know where to start. I keep dreaming about him lately in all diff kinds of situations… one where he’s hitting me, one where am we are friends etc. I deleted all my pics of my injuries I wish I could get them back some how. The photos are of my daughter in regards to the ones upsetting me, just seeing how small she was and what he put us through I feel disgusted as a parent and find that hard to deal with.

[ultimatelyStrong]

Honestly I think you’re very strong and brave. Think how far you’ve come, don’t let negative thoughts cloud what you’ve managed to achieve. It’s not weakness either to decide you’re not ready to date. That’s also strength, it would be easy to run into another relationship to fix your feelings. Sitting with those feelings and overcoming them under your own steam is the best thing and it will empower you in future to know you did it on your own.

As for photos, try not to look at them if you’re not ready. One day you’ll be able to without feeling this way. It just takes time. X x x

[Soulsearcher18]

What ultimatelystrong said re bravery and how far you’ve come!

Counselling is a great idea Happiermex, it has taken me a while to get to the stage of being ready for counselling but a little way down the road now and having talked about it…quite a lot!…I am now ready. I think if women are able to join forum and share in this way, it is good prep for counselling and/or speaking to professionals. It is ok to write things down and share from that to get started with professionals/counsellor etc. Do you know how to go about getting counselling? Is that through a GP, or can your local Women’s Aid service help? Many counsellors have long waiting lists and so I would definitely consider putting your name down and review it nearer the time if there is a waiting list.

I know it is hard as this is a process and so I think we have to go through the painful bits to learn and grow but please make space to then focus on the massive step you took in getting out and to tune into you and your daughter and living in the now. It can be so very easy to get sucked into what has been and the negative aspects but you are in a space hopefully where you have opportunity to create some happier memories now. That will help you to move forward.

You got this. Keep checking in with us, let us know how you are doing with it all.

I know you are not new but maybe checkout iliketea’s post for women new to the forum. There are links on there to the sisterhood sanctuary which is a positive visualisation that we all add to, littledove has started a one negative/one positive a day post and there is also a post from Braelynn about ‘Motivational things…’- there should be a link to it in ‘for women new to the forum’.

Soulsearcher x

[Eggshells]

Happiermex please don’t beat yourself up over your daughter. You were in survival mode at the time and you can’t blame yourself for staying. You are out now and that is what counts. Your daughter has your love and that is so precious, please don’t let unnecessary feelings of guilt cloud your time with her now. xx

[Happiermex]

Thank you all so much for your support. Me and my daughter are extremely close which is such a amazing thing.
Can I ask though if it’s normal to forget what they did? And how it made you feel? I keep dreaming about him sometimes good sometimes I see his angry face and wake up feeling all kinds of emotions. I was doing as well as I could in the beginning I felt I got to a ok place but Iv now hit a low with my confidence again.. and I feel like I miss him which is so strange because my mind fights it. He’s with someone new which I think was happening when we where still together towards the end. I have moments I think of them being happy then try and pick myself up take a deep breath and remember what she has comming.. he physically, emotionally and mentally abused me and I’m the one paying for it. It’s just so sad. X

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