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    • #128999
      Auriel
      Participant

      Hi I’ve come out of my last on/ off relationship a (detail removed by moderator) ago I was abused in childhood ,all of my relationships have been abusive ( didn’t realise till I did the freedom programme) I’ve experienced a lot of unwanted experiences that have made me not want to look nice / or even be healthy, but the main question is does anyone/ has anyone experience the hollow empty feeling inside? I’m taking (detail removed by moderator) of antidepressant daily , I’ve tried counselling , it made me worse, I’m trying art therapy in a few weeks, I know I’m not a sociopath like my abusers and some of my family because I care too much about people? I just don’t understand this “hollow”does anyone understand this?🌸

    • #129001
      KIP.
      Participant

      I remember feeling numb. And I dissociated from the world at times when the stress was too much and it felt like an out of body experience. It could be stress related x counselling will sometimes make things worse before they get better as we have to face our trauma to overcome it x

    • #129005
      KIP.
      Participant

      Maybe the dose is too high. Don’t wait till the (detail removed by moderator) if you’re concerned. Speak to someone and let them know. Have you tried coming off the medication to see if you can cope without it? There is so much help available so you shouldn’t have to deal with this condition forever. Keep trying different therapies until you find one that works for you x

    • #129008
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey I had PTSD and there is definitely hope for a recovery. I stuck with therapy and got EMDR which helped with the bad triggers and unresolved trauma. When you’re feeling upto it then please revisit a good therapist. My PTSD was like dragging a sleeping wolf around but it does get better x build a support network around you with compassionate people who know what they’re doing. I never thought I’d recover but it really is possible with hard work and determination and the right support. I was with my abuser for decades x baby steps x

    • #129016
      KIP.
      Participant

      Sometimes it’s good just to chat about things and it helps lessen the anxiety which sometimes makes those feelings appear. Do you have any hobbies that relax you. I do mindfulness and I like listening to music. Try to do things that bring pleasure or make you laugh x

      • #129119
        Auriel
        Participant

        Kip there’s 3 things that really make me laugh the oh long Johnson cat on YouTube anything with Greg davies in it and funny police phone calls , like when an old gent phoned up so concerned for a boy outside in a red shirt crying , turns out it was a fire hydrant ( that kind of thing) it’s good to laugh but still be aware of your feelings same time x x x

      • #129130
        KIP.
        Participant

        Laughing produces positive endorphins so keep watching 😂

      • #129139
        Auriel
        Participant

        Ok I have to still be aware of what’s around me though cos when I’ve been happy before that’s when people (men ) have swooped in like super fast sharks now I’m being more aware if someone makes me scared and I’m not sure why then I will avoid them “instincts”, endorphins are good I think they’re good for the immune system too ( I’m sure I read that) I just gotta get over this crippling fear get then maybe there’ll be some hope for me 💜💙💜

    • #129050
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      I know this pain well.. I thought I had over come it when I was out a couple of years… but due to ongoing issues, this feeling has come back…
      I know its the stress of the things have got going on, but I really wish I knew how to overcome it for good.

      I was doing really well, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but now again I feel like iv been buried alive, fighting for every breath.. I took one day at a time, and when it was bad I took the day minute by minute… it is extremely difficult to shift that horrible feeling… and u just have to remember you are a strong person to
      have got this far, no matter what other people think or say.

      Keep moving forward no matter the size of the steps x*x

    • #129051
      Auriel
      Participant

      Yeah living warrior ( thanks for replying btw) it’s really weird I’ve had this gap feeling on and off since childhood I know at some point in school i stopped feeling cos of all my experiences I stuffed everything down and got on with things cos I’ve not ever had proper family support so I just kinda got on with things but thoughts memories feelings creeped back up so I had to just face everything full on , people have told me I’m strong but it’s not something I’ve ever equated myself with . I can be ok sometimes then feel like there’s a massive hole in my stomach ( it’s not hunger😁)t an odd thing like a nothingness know what I mean? Ps I hope your doing ok 🧡💛🧡

    • #129100
      Belle250
      Participant

      I had a bad experience with my first counsellor, they didn’t help at all so I found one that specialises in DA, trauma and crisis and I’m so glad I did. So it may be worth trying to find someone who can help you specifically with what you need.
      I also felt the emptiness you described, I lost a stone in (removed by moderator) and I just had no interest in looking after myself.
      I don’t think that any one solution helps, you’re doing the best thing in sourcing different options to help you so just continue to do that. I also found that volunteering helped me personally, I felt like I was actively giving back to my community so it really is about finding what works for you.
      Like others have said, keep moving forward and keep fighting for yourself xx

      • #129104
        Auriel
        Participant

        Yeah belle250( Pretty name btw) I wondered if this hollow feeling was maybe internalised long standing depression or internalised anger or something I really don’t know , I’m trying art therapy next week so I’ll see how I go with but I’ve managed on my own without support for this long without realising I’d suffered childhood and adult abuses till Freedom a few years ago , I have been thinking about volunteering I am still fearful of people and struggle quite a bit cos I’ve been left with fibromyalgia through my experiences but I want to do something to help people for sure 💯, I let my health and looks go all to pot cos I didn’t want to look attractive so I wouldn’t experience the things I have again ( if you know what I mean🙄) but thanks for answering I’m not used to people caring it’s new but nice new ps I hope your finding inner peace after everything💓💗💓

    • #129103
      marmot
      Participant

      Yes I know that feeling. Like there is a huge hole where my stomach used to be. I get it when I feel very alone and lonely, feel dread and sense of “impending doom” and when incredibly sad. Then it passes. Don’t know why. It’s a weird feeling.
      Hope things improve for you.

      • #129105
        Auriel
        Participant

        Yes marmot that is exactly it , it’s identical to mine , for ages I thought there was something wrong with me cos I couldn’t explain it couldn’t understand it , it’s right where the solar plexus is ( mine is) I don’t know if yours is the same but yeah it’s just like that ps I hope your well too, well as well as we can be 💛🧡💛

    • #129120
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Auriel

      Yup, I know that hollow, empty feeling. For me, I experience it when I’m reeling from something, like when I first left. I’m in the middle of boxing up all my stuff as I’m about to be homeless again and I can feel it creeping in. Anxiety in the morning, hollow by the evening.

      I think it’s just my mind and body switching off my emotions to help me get through.

      It sounds like you have a ton of processing to do so this could be your automatic safety valve kicking in to protect you from emerging feelings.

      Or, as KIP pointed out, it could be the meds.

      When I want to feel something I try and tap into feelings of love. I use a meditation from the “Insight Timer” app to help me.

      • #129124
        Auriel
        Participant

        Hi eggshells your right I do have a lot of processing to do I’m aware of all what happened , it started with my family see I was born into abuse and then other things happened later relationship wise, I don’t think it’s my meds’ cos these are quite recent I’ve had this strange thing for decades , it identical to what marmot described above ( I hope she won’t mind including her in this message, here’s 3 chicks for you you can put with your eggshells haha 🐣🐣🐣 x x x

    • #129148
      marmot
      Participant

      Actually been looking it up. Apparently it’s the network of neurons in the digestive tract, part of the nervous system. They cause both “butterflies” and the feeling of a hole/pit in the stomach and are “innate parts of our psychological stress responses”. They also occur when feeling v low with depression.
      So, I have learnt something! Apparently our gut acts like a second brain, not thinking, but responding to psychological triggers. Thank you Auriel for raising this topic. I would never have learnt about it otherwise. Probably not surprising that ladies in high stress situations with PTSD/anxiety/depression experience this.

      • #129153
        Auriel
        Participant

        This is cool marmot I’ve an answer to odd empty stomach, and it does happen when I feel super low (and the other way round just like yours) well the mystery of the big black tummy hole has been solved! I’m oddly happy now 😃 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

    • #129154
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Thanks both. I deleted my post, paranoid that someone will see it who I don’t want to see it. Just like being back with ex.

      Hope you’re feeling a little better Auriel. Maybe we need an 80s night to cheer us all up.

      • #129155
        marmot
        Participant

        Deleted my reply so there is no chance of anybody tracing anything back to you.

      • #129156
        Auriel
        Participant

        Yeah eggshells , marmots found the answer , detective marmot’s solved the case 🎉🎉 🥳 🥳🎈🎈😁

    • #129157
      Eggshells
      Participant

      She certainly did. I decided that a chocolate muffin would help to fill the empty space tonight. 🧁

      • #129160
        Auriel
        Participant

        I like chocolate muffins and these too🍩🧁🍰🍨🍦😁

    • #129138
      Auriel
      Participant

      I hope eggshells that things work out better and maybe in time you could find somewhere to be very happy 🌈💥

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