I feel fed up and depressed anxiety is bad

[Rosemary]

Hello ladys I dont feel to good this morning I got so much on my mind and lots to deal with. My partner thinks by talking nice to me and my children his starting to clam down and knowing what his done over the years .his talk nice some days back but then his started to be aburped with me which puts me on egg shells again. I am trying to give my parnter advice how we should be geting paid with money because we are struggling because his not looking after the money propley and this worries me I’ve explained how things would be better if he would try things a other way but for me to give advice his geting aburped with me and I don’t understand why because I am just trying to make things better so we dont struggling for things its geting me down struggling there been times I’ve had to go with out food my self to make sure my children get food because my partner has no idea how to deal with the money I feel hopeless that I cant deal with the money because he has it all it’s very frustrating. To give advice should to him he should not be geting aburped with me . Does anyone understand why his doing this because I cant ever understand why he wants to talk down to me when I am wanting to make thing better so we dont struggle the way we do this is makeing me really depressed and there no way that I could do
Anything to make things better when I cant control the money .I dont bleave my parnter will ever change because he was being nice before hand and started to be aburped and talking down to me my opinions seams to make him angry when I am just trying to help .

[Living Warrior]

Good morning Rosemary, my lovely.

unfortunately, this is a tactic these men commonly use. They make sure they are the ones who have control of the money to stop us from being able to save up and leave- this is financial abuse.
We understand that you are trying to help him understand the finances of the family and help him to better budget.
To him this is seen as you wanting control. (they are very self-minded). Unfortunately these men do not change. They just get more and more controlling.

I wish i had the magic answer for you, but unfortunately these decisions you are to make yourself, but i can tell you knowledge is power. if you havnt done so already- get intouch with your local womens aid, they can advice you on help available locally.

you are a very strong lady- dealing with this and having the courage to come here, so pat yourself on the back 🙂 you are doing great,

the following link shows the power and control wheel- (if it doesn’t work, just type power and control wheel into google)
and i have found a bit of info about financial abuse: incase you cannot search it yourself. if you can i suggest you take a look :).

i hope things get brighter for you soon, sending my love courage and strength.

https://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/aberdeennews.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/8/12/812d77c4-ad29-11e7-8909-6768678335f2/59dcaad43f393.image.jpg?resize=1200%2C1199

Financial abuse.
In the short-term, financial abuse leaves victims vulnerable to physical abuse and violence.2 Without access to money, credit cards, and other financial assets, it’s extremely difficult to do any type of safety planning.

For instance, if an abuser is particularly violent and the victim needs to leave in order to stay safe, this is difficult without money or a credit card. And if they need to leave the relationship permanently, it is challenging to find safe and affordable housing. They also struggle to provide for basic needs like food, clothing, and transportation.
When a dating partner or spouse uses or controls the money you have earned or saved, they are exploiting your resources. Here are some examples of this exploitation.

Trying to control your use of or access to money you have earned or saved

Using your assets for their personal benefit without asking

Taking money or using credit cards without permission

Ruining your credit history by running up limits and then not paying bills

Claiming to make payments or pay bills in your name but not following through

Borrowing money or making charges without repaying it

Feeling entitled to your money or assets

Demanding that you turn over your paycheck, passwords, and credit cards

Expecting you to pay for their bills or their obligations

Using offers to help with your budget or financial decisions as a cover for gaining control over your finances

Requiring you to bail them out of difficult financial situations​

Confiscating your paycheck or other sources of income

Intercepting or opening your bank statements and other financial records

Threatening to lie to officials and claim you are “cheating or misusing benefits”

some only use 1 or 2 of those listed above.

Get in touch with your local womens aid, or domestic violence charity and they will help you.

[Rosemary]

Thank you liveing warror

For the information and link I will look at the link I really appreciate your surport. My partner is financial abuse for many years he thinks this is okay even with bills his put us in a big mess which makes things 10 times worse.

Thank you for saying I am a very strong lady sometimes I dont feel like but talking out was a big thing for me for a very long time I never told anyone about how I was liveing with domestic abuse it was so hard for me to reach out as I was so scared it’s nice that I feel a bit better that I can talk on here about my problems and get help from other women like your self this form is really supporting me and that means alot to me.

I am in contact with women aid they send me lots of information and advice but certain things they cant talk thought email they said I have to phone them up. I have my Advocate lady who helps me so I always talk to her when I have that space.

[Author]

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