I feel like I still love him

[horseygirl]

Hello
I got out of an abusive relationship (detail removed by Moderator) months ago but I stayed in contact with him as I felt sorry for him as after I moved out, he was left with nothing. Not even a roof over his head because the house we had was in my name. He lived in a caravan in his garage, I continued to pay the rent for his garage as I felt I couldn’t walk away. (detail removed by Moderator) he threatened me so much that I reported him to the police. I have had no contact with him since (detail removed by Moderator) I then (detail removed by Moderator) to get my dog back from him.
It’s been (detail removed by Moderator) since he last threatened and scared me directly but to this day, I am still scared. my Family live in the same town as him so I visit there often and sometimes see him about though we have never had contact. There is a restraining order in place so he can’t. I keep hearing about trouble he is getting himself into, and I wish I could help him. He is with a new partner now and I know her and her family, who are all better than him and neither her or her young kids deserve what he is likely to do to them. But that is not my problem, and I know that.

My problem now is that I can’t forget him. I so want to be able to talk to him and ask him why he did it all to me. Contact between us ended so abruptly that i didn’t get the chance to ask why. It ended with him threatening to kill me. But I loved him so much, it is hurting me so badly that I walked away at that point and now can’t ask.
I feel like I still love him and care so deeply for him that it is stopping me from moving on.

Does it ever go away? Will I ever stop feeling that I want to talk to him. I have written a number of letters to him – never sent them – asking why. But I know I won’t get the answers.

Thank you x

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

It sounds like you are experiencing trauma bonding. It is basically the same thing as Stockholm syndrome, look it up in google as there are articles that explain it well. Also look up Intermittent Reinforcement. It creates that intense feeling you are experiencing with lots of obsessive thoughts. You might also have PTSD.

I can relate to you as I too experience lots of thoughts about my ex every day and went through that stage of desperately wanting to ask him why he did it. I go through stages of feeling like I miss him so badly, to absolute horror about what he did, to fear, to relief, to grief, sadness, rage etc roung and round. The feelings seem to come and go in waves. I am having counselling for it which will hopefully help, if you can get a counsellor/therapist who understands abuse it should help you to make sense of everything.

Ring the helpline and access local support, it is hard to heal from abuse alone but there are lots of great specialists out there who can help.

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