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    • #131294

      My ex and I split up (detail removed by moderator) but I am still suffering the after effects of what he did to me. I haven’t had a meaningful relationship since, I’ve built such a high wall and am constantly second guessing everything. I feel like he has changed me irreversibly. I have recently been back in touch with someone from (detail removed by moderator) (before the abusive ‘relationship’). We were in love with each other back then and never told each other. I’ve opened up to him to explain why I am the way that I am. He is truly brilliant but I still second guess everything that he tells me and I hate it, I know that it’s irrational but it’s just how I am now. On the phone today he reduced me to a blubbering mess with just 4 words. They were “It’s not your fault”. I still fell so much blame and guilt for everything and feel like that will never change. He suggested that I seek help to work through the trauma. Honestly, the bloke’s fantastic but I still don’t trust him. He doesn’t deserve that & I hate myself for it.
      Sorry for the rambling, call it textual diarrhoea!

    • #131302
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      Be gentle with yourself. Recovery does take time. I remember feeling exactly like you do. I felt like id completely lost myself and perhaps had died inside somehow but my body just didn’t realise.

      Things will get better. You’ll start to trust yourself and your gut and trust again. You’ll start remembering the little things that made you tick and enjoy them again.

      Have you considered the Freedom Program at all?

      GR

    • #131305

      Thanks GR. I have looked at it briefly but the cost has put me off.
      I honestly don’t think I’ll ever return to how I was before. As I said to him earlier, that girl has gone. It’s been (detail removed by moderator).

    • #131317
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      If you do it through Women’s Aid it’s free.

      I didn’t think I would either. Once I stopped responding things did get better though. I’m not the same as I was before everything but I’ve stopped feeling like an escapee now, and am happy. I can see that there’s been a lot of progress.

      GR

    • #131414

      Thanks again. How do I sign up to it?

    • #131444

      I feel like this too. Am waiting to hear from the police about my ex partners arrest. I have so much anxiety and wonder when this will ever go away
      Right now it feels so overwhelming.

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