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    • #12442

      I feel as though now that I know what he is doing to me, that I am almost hyper-aware and think that everything he does has roots in control. Take for instance (removed by moderator), he got the kids clothes out and chose some for me – he’s never done that before. He actually said to me that he wasn’t trying to dress me – but that’s the first thing that came to mind. I chose something else anyway – partly as an act of defiance and partly because I didn’t want to wear what he had chosen. When I came downstairs he paid comment to the fact that I wasn’t wearing what he had chosen – didn’t seem like his usual barbed comments, but all I saw was his inability to control me.

      I know he does control me and I know that he is abusive – but I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to be looking at every tender moment we have ever had and think to myself that he’s actually abusing me. Does that make any sense? I hope I’m not alone?
      TTMO x*x

    • #12451

      Your not alone. We don’t want to admit that we are being abused because it is out of our control. We didn’t ask to be in this situation and don’t really know how to deal with it all I think.. You try to keep up what you want to believe is a normal family situation but in reality you block out everything he does. Ask yourself one question. Would you ever treat him how he is treating you? Then you will realise what is normal behaviour and what really is controlling. It is normal to be in denial. I have realised that the longer you leave and brush it all aside the worse it gets and the more ‘brainwashed’ you end up. xx

      • #12471

        Hi courage152 been reading your post you’ve explained it really well your absolutely right. X x

    • #12932
      Escaped not free

      I too feel like I’m crazy but your right. I would NEVER do or Seattle things he says and does to me Tobin. I just kept thinking he dean understand what he’s doing and he’d twist me round in so many circles that I’d end up thinking I was the unreasonable one. I kept relaying conversations to my best friends and asking if it was normal…what would they think in this situation. Then I’d tell myself maybe I’m making it sound worse than it is but all I did was say exactly what was said and how. Yet I still doubt myself even after getting out. He’s treating me and my children appallingly, stalking, harassing, bad mouthing me and telling lies, made us homeless…literally and yet I’m still heartbroken because I’m missing the man he was when he was everything he knew I wanted and needed. It’s a complete mind melt! Not once since I left has he asked how my kids and I arecoping. He just continues to manipulate. His sister died (detail removed by Moderator) years ago and after I left and after he threatened suicide he then used his sisters death to try and get me to come back. Said he wS having a hard time dealing with it and I was not showing him any caring or support. This was after I had to remove my three children to stay in my parents two bed flat…six of us while he refuses to move out of our house while it is sold. Why am I grieving this man when he is a monster? Why do I want him to hold me and tell me it will be ok when it’s him that’s done all of this to us? Why do I keep hoping he will get help and deal with his anger and stop lying about what he’s done to us? What is wrong with me? I’m sorry but I’m so confused, does anyone else feel this conflicted? X

    • #12939

      I feel exactly like you, I am still with him due to having disabilities but I have cut him emotionally, but although I feel such contempt for him, I still feel at times I want him to hold me,cuddle me be nice to me, help me, yet eally I could not bear him near me either ,Its crazy and very hard to cope with.
      I have kept hoping he will get help and deal with it, so we can start again but I see little hope.
      In a book I read on abusers it said that they are your terrorist and your comforter.
      I feel its natural for us to want them to comfort us, thats what a Husband should do when we are hurting but they are the very ones doing the hurting.
      Have you read about trauma boning that can make you feel this way as well. What you are feeling in how many women feel.
      All they think about is themselves, mine keeps saying why cant we turn he clock back, he says have you any idea what your stance towards me is doing to me. He even said a few days ago are you hearing voices in your head telling you all this stuff about abuse, denying the truth ans trying to say im mentally disturbed !

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