I feel like I’m losing my mind.

[NopeNope]

Hey all. Last week I finally admitted to myself that my relationship is toxic and reading this forum has opened my eyes even further. Reading the posts and finding similarities in my own situation has been really validating. However, I’m struggling really badly with gaslighting myself and wanted to share some of my experiences to see if others consider these behaviours abusive.

The (detail removed by moderator) incident: This is what sparked the little voice in the back of my head saying that my relationship is unhealthy. During an argument my partner snapped a (detail removed by moderator) in half and then threw it across the room. (detail removed by moderator)

I won’t go into detail about the other experiences otherwise this post will go on forever, but I made a list last week so I’ll try to summarise them here:

• Unwanted sexual touching: grabbing my hand and forcing me to touch his penis, chasing me to the floor (detail removed by moderator)

• Rough play fighting: putting me in a headlock and squeezing until I can’t breathe and then releasing (detail removed by moderator)

• Twisting the truth: if I bring up an issue about XYZ he turns it into him having an issue with ABC. But he only ever seems to have issues in response to me voicing my issues, and they’re from things that have happened months ago. Zones in on pedantic details instead of the wider issue I want to discuss. Rewrites history and only backs down if I have evidence that he’s wrong.

• Physically overpowering me: I stormed into a different room during an argument and he followed me and ignored my requests for him not to touch me. He grabbed my hands, to restrain me according to him, and I had to twist and yank to get free, resulting in my hand getting hurt.

• Cheating accusations: I’ve lost count of how many times he accused me of speaking to other guys or cheating on him. So much so that I’m mindful of how I interact with guys in front of him and avoid making guy friends.

I’m conflicted because he isn’t like this all of the time and it makes me feel really guilty. I’m having a hard time accepting that he behaves this way intentionally but at the same time it’s not accidental. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Is my relationship abusive?

[Hereforhelp]

Hey, reading your post… it is so hard to accept but, yes, your partner is abusive and is abusing you.

 

What you have listed are all abusive incidents, there is no excuse for your partner to behave that way, he is choosing to do so.  Does he behave that way towards other people or is it behind closed doors?

My husband did all the above and more.. when I tried to talk to him about x,y,z he twisted or ignored what I said and would make it about him.

 

They can all be nice… otherwise we wouldn’t get with them in the first place….abuse tends to be subtle, also they push through our own boundaries…

 

You are not losing your mind, what you describe is Domestic Abuse.  Gaslighting does make you feel like you are losing your mind… it helps to keep a journal..that way you can look back and read your truth.

 

Have you read Living with the Dominater by Pat Craven? Another good book is Lundy Bancroft Why Does He Do That.

 

Keep reading up on Domestic Abuse, Podcasts (detail removed by moderator).

 

Once you see the abuse you can’t unsee it.. no matter how hard you try to get along with him it will never be right, goal posts will be moved…abusers have a sense of self Entitlement.

 

Keep posting on here, you’re not alone and not going crazy.

 

Hugs

HFH ❤️

[Karisqq]

I’m sorry for those experiences. (detail removed by Moderator). The thing is, if you don’t feel right, it isn’t right. It doesn’t matter whether the abuse is “serious” enough, as long as it causes you distress, you’re entitled to make a decision for yourself. I know it’s hard, since such decision usually comes with a price/risk, but as human being we have unlimited potential and resiliency, so I believe you’ll find your own way someday. Sending you lots of love x

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