I feel like it’s getting close

[Daisydo]

Not been on here for a while, been in limbo, nothing much to say. Been (detail removed by moderator) months now we since I told him it was over, I’ve had enough. He is still living here &:won’t leave. My priority is our 4 children and I’m trying so hard to keep things as normal as possible for them. He still won’t accept that his behaviour has bought me to this point, he says his anger and frustration is because I’m so withdrawn & unloving. As long as he believes that and takes no responsibility for his actions there is absolutely no future. I’m getting so tired though, trying to stay positive but it’s a struggle. He has all his family to talk to about things, not that any of them are in stable relationships. My mum won’t talk about it, not agreeing that I want it over, thinks his good outweighs his bad. It’s so hard. Keep trying to plan nice things. I’ve been sleeping in with one of the kids for months now, I want my own bed and space back. Just wanted to rant, this can’t go on for much longer Dd xx

[fizzylem]

Oh DD! How s**t! Yes can relate, my fault because I withdrew and didnt want sex, yes after years of trying to be heard and left not knowing what I should do! He made me laugh when I learnt he’d told his new partner that we fell out of love! Such a liar, poetic tale that covered the truth and no doubt put an end to her questions.

What you going to do?

You called the helpline yet? They could advise.

I’m bunking up with my daughter, although we’re out and awaiting a new home, we’ve been like this for a while so totes get where you are coming from. I long to star fish on fresh clean sheets in a double bed of my own lol. As much as I love her, she steels the covers and kicks me to bits some nights! Reckon she gets 3/4’s and I’m left with 1/4!

Don’t listen to mum in this instance, gather some support from people who understand it, who get it, the women on here, other women that have been through it, WA. I don’t bother talking to anyone about it now days unless they get it.

Sounds like he’s ignoring you – that you may have to be the one to take action? Hugs to you x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi DD, welcome back, sending you a big hug if that’s okay. Its amazing really how aware we become of everything he does, even pre-empting what he’s going to say or do, thanks to this forum. My eyes have never been so wide open. I’m not long out of the martial home, the first day after leaving, the severity and reality of what I did really sank in, easily tearful, angry to a degree that because of his behaviour,I had to walk out, take my things because he wouldn’t listen. My situation is slightly different, in that we dont have any children together, and fir that I’m grateful. Of course that’s one of his regrets that we didn’t have any, but after reading how much harder it is to leave with children, I’m just so glad we didn’t have any together. Mind you they’d be grownups by now🙂 at first my oh wouldn’t accept his behaviour either, by me walking, he does now, totally 100%, at the moment. Yes we are talking, occasionally, but because of this forum, I hear his words but they are the same as what everyone else has heard or been promised. A promise without change is just manipulation. If only I’d told him how I felt, he’d have done something about it, HA😆😆 how many times do we tell them how we are feeling only to be shot down in flames or worse? You do not cause his anger and frustration, that behaviour is all his responsibility, he chooses to act like that because he feels he’s entitled to do so. Your mum is from a different generation, with time she might understand, wouldn’t it would be nice if she would just listen and not say anything. I’ve got my dad, but he’s sort of the same, again says the right stuff but he’s not seen his anger(with me leaving) yet he’s seen it over the years. He’s one of those people who’ll tell whoever he’s talking to what he thinks they want to hear. I used to think he WAS a good listener and gave good advice, I don’t now. Then again I’ve ALWAYS been one of those people who will let others offer advice, but go ahead and do my own thing mostly. could you try the hotline instead of your local WA if you can’t get through. I second what @Fizzylem says about only telling those who get it,I do try to educate others but if it feels they’re not hearing I don’t,I must say for the most, noone has really did it’s just a phase, I’ll get over it. There’s only one person who stands out like that, and she too is old school, thinks it takes two, this behaviour has been around for generations, there’s been better than me gone through this etc.. Sometimes the good CAN outweigh the bad, but there’s never any excuse to abuse. Once the bad kills what good there has been, sometimes the only thing you can do is leave that relationship behind. Who knows what will happen in the future, who knows, all you know is in this moment,you can’t live like this anymore, and as he’s NOT listening, you’re left with the choice of leaving or staying and sadly staying becomes less and less of an option. You’re right, this can’t go on much longer, trust your instincts, once you have some breathing space, it’s amazing how you start to hear your gut instincts again. DaisyDo, we do what’s right fir us, all the advice in the world however well intentioned, cannot make this hard decision for us. All we can do is educate ourselves, trust in ourselves and just take a leap of faith.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞

[EbonyRaven]

Hi DaisyDo, It must feel terrible for you. I’m not that long out of a situation of being separated but living in the same house where he wouldn’t leave, and it was so, so bad. I feel for you.

He will never truly accept that he has any responsibility in this, although he might mouth the words he thinks you want to hear sometime.

I hope you can get out or get him out asap.

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