i feel lost and full of doubt

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

Bring me back to reality please, I still can’t do it.
I still can’t act and motivate myself, I feel like a fool for telling my solicitor to go ahead yet I delay filling in forms, I am busy doing other things…
I wake up lost everyday. I honestly feel like that guy in the film with Robin Williams as a therapist, I feel like some enormous bubble has to burst to make me cry and learn to listen to people “it’s not your fault”…and it’s not that which upsets me the most, it’s deciding to leave…
I almost want someone else to put me in that car, on the American highway, destination freedom, new life, real me.
I fight the family psychotherapist every time i see him. Even our meetings seem moments of unreality.
I hear my silent voice tell him don’t tell me what to do cos I don’t know what to do.
Over three decades of this life. I constantly adjust, I build new limits, I adapt, I rationalise almost.
God help me…

[KIP.]

I took a leap of faith. That’s what you have to do. You have to trust that everyone in your life has your best interests at heart except him. Trust your solicitor trust your therapist. Take a leap of faith. Ignore every little doubt your abuser has put in your brain. Decide your destination and let nothing stop you getting there X get off that roundabout….

[Ayanna]

Switch off the thinking. Just do it. Do a little bit of the forms every day. You get there. x*x

[Author]

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