I feel my son is treating me like his dad did

[Rosemary]

My heart is broken it two I need some help and support if anyone can give me some please.
Sense my son had a girlfriend his not being the boy I used to now . If I don’t let him see his girlfriend he causes a scene I feel like he treats me like his dad did and It seams like my son wants to control me and give me abuse . I can’t give my son age out but his not an adult yet . He causes me heartache and he goes mental if I don’t let him see his girlfriend he says he hates me that I am not his mom anymore he shouts at me and gives me abuse he demands that he wants to see his girlfriend I am struggling with money at the moment my son don’t care I am having to pay for storage because I don’t have a house I am in attempting accommodation this is why I am struggling but my son thinks I can just carry on giving him bus fair every day to see his
Girlfriend. He makes his siblings cry and his causing them to have breakdown. My son uses suicide thoughts as a weapon against me so then he thinks I will change my mind to let him go to his girlfriend house then he says that he has flash backs of what his dad done to him he uses that againt me and think it’s okay to take it out on me . I am not sure weather his useing that just to try and get away with how he treats me. I’ve had a breakdown because of my son telling me that he hates me and I am not his mom . I can see my son has my ex partner ways of how his treated me by being abusive and trying to control me . I am feeling tired and weak I’ve been thought so much with my ex and I feel my son treating me the same way it hurts me so much .any help would be appreciated I am so hurt my son makes me feel depressed and he can be horrible to his siblings by calling names and being so horrible to them .I’ve also used to live with my son girlfriend because I had no where to live I’ve even run away from there jue to my son girlfriend dad being violent towards me and being abusive.

[KIP.]

Hi there. I’ve been through similar when my son decided to copy the behaviour of his father. Some is learned but sadly I believe some is just a bad gene and no about of talking to him is going to make him realise. Have you received counselling? Has he received counselling? It might not be what you want to hear but perhaps he would be better him staying with his girlfriend and family until you have recovered enough to deal with this on top of everything else. There’s only so much you can do here. WA have a course for children from abusive dads and it might be worth getting him in that programme if he’s willing. Talk to your GP too about counselling for his behaviour. I had to let my son go and find his own path. My door is always open to him but not while he continues his abusive behaviour. It’s sad and I’m not even sure he knew his behaviour was abusive but it boiled down to me or him, just like it boiled down to me or his father and I just didn’t have the mental strength to survive another bout of abuse from someone I loved. My advice is to get yourself into a strong position. Like the air hostesses say, get your own oxygen mask on before you help others. You have other children to consider here. Perhaps social service can assist too?

[Rosemary]

Thank you for your help Kip sorry for late reply I’ve had counselling but it what was not long my son gets counselling but not much to be honest . We dont have social services involved but we have think family the lady is lovely she helps us in different ways . How can I find the course for abusive dad please?

[KIP.]

I’ve just had a quick look on google and it depends on your area. Search for Freedom Programme for children and ask your advocacy worker. Your local police may also know of courses. If you haven’t already done the Freedom Programm I’d highly recommend it. You should t have to pay for either course so don’t get caught out x

[iliketea]

Hi, so sorry to hear this. I’d second KIP on the counselling recommendations and support for your son. Another thing that was suggested for us is a Mentoring Programme, where there are positive role models – usually men for boys – which lets face it is what our sons need as they ain’t getting it from their dads – the mentors hang out, talk, do things with the kids, usually from 8-16/18. Most towns and cities have them, could be a really positive first step to him having a different unrelated adult in his life who he could talk to and share his thoughts and frustrations with. Also look up Trauma Recovery Centre, they have great resources and there may be a branch near you, they offer therapy for kids who have experienced trauma. School can also help with some sort of support in terms of positive role models and mentoring programmes, there are some schools where community volunteers offer to take on the role, come in to schools and hang out with the children. Sending love and hugs, it is not easy, it can and will get better if you can get some sort of support for him and you. xx
Also just thought depending on age, look up scouts, sea cadets, other groups like that, they all provide mentoring and therapeutic support in their work. x

[Rosemary]

Thank you for caring Iliketea
I am waiting for my son to have counselling they take a long time to sort our which is frustrating

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