I feel sick, I call the police

[Falling Skys]

I can home early today because I felt ill, as I put my shopping my son came into the kitchen and glared at me while I put my shopping away. I ignored him as just carried on.

(Detail removed by moderator)

Once he had finished I whizzed up to use the toilet, ex shout at me not to flush as our son was going to use the shower. We don’t normally verbal communicate but I shouted back sorry I got to. I couldn’t leave it in that state after I was being ill.

I went straight in to my bedroom and lock the door, ex was calling me a f*****g cunning b***h, then my son shouting f*****g don’t run any water or I’ll f*****g have you.

I was shaking I didn’t know what to do and I called the police.

They came out and talk to me and then them there was nothing that could be done.

Im so scared I have made thing worse. Did I do right or not?

🙁

[Eve1]

Hi FS,

What are you to do though, when you’re basically being threatened in your own home. Calling the police at least shows you’re not going to just take it.

It’s appalling that you have to live like this. Why he call you those names, did he think you flushed on purpose so that you could ruin your son’s shower? This it just the sort of petty thing my ex would have accused me of because that’s how he thinks

I hope you’re feeling better and a bit calmer. I feel for you and hope your situation can change and improve as soon as possible.

Hugs
Eve
xx

[older lady]

It’s always the right thing to protect ourselves when we feel threatened. I don’t know if you are safe there now. Can you call the helpline to talk this over? What is it you are scared you have made worse? xx

[Malaya]

I think calling the police is a double edged sword, I absolutely think it is the right thing to do but I realise it can anger the abuser

You should not have that kind of abuse and threatening behaviour in your own home, it’s absolutely unacceptable so yeah keep calling the police. You might want to think about calling the helpline and see if they have any space at a refuge or maybe you have someone who you’s could stay with if it looks like your safety is in question.

I certainly would advise you to make sure you have your mobile phone on you at all times so you can call the police if you need to and have a room you could lock yourself in, in an emergency situation. If you don’t have a lock you can do what I did and use a piece of furniture in front of the door in my bedroom.

I hope you’re okay, it shakes you up the first time you call the police doesn’t it? keep posting xx

[Falling Skys]

Thank you Eve1 and OL

Even now I feel guilty of speaking out, especially when it comes to my son. His behaviour has been the ultimate betrayal and hurt me more than any others. I feel now I have lost him for ever.

When in the situation I go back to when I was being abused regularly the fear runs through my veins, my abusers would get me in the bedroom and make me pay. Also I hate washing my dirty washing in pubic, but as I say silence gives them power.

I am 99% sure he won’t do anything. But I will be alert and keep monitoring it.

FS xx

[Falling Skys]

Hi Malaya

Thank you for you words, because I work I will have to pay to go the refuse, and because I own my house unless he agrees I have to pay half the bills so I am stuck as I can’t afford both.

I have been in contact with the police but I have gone to the station so it is the first time they have been to the house and talk to me and then my ex and son.

I have calm down but I feel numb with it all. I am also scared that I may have my counselling taken away because I’m in a vulnerable situation.

[Malaya]

I really feel for you, sometimes it feels like the people who work come off worse as you have to pay for everything.

What was their reaction when the police spoke to them and after they’d gone? Do you think it helped them see you are prepared to protect yourself ?

Surely being vulnerable wouldn’t be a reason to remove your counselling. Or is it couple / family counselling. I know you can’t have mediation if there are abuse issues

Thinking of you x

[Falling Skys]

Malaya

They were very quiet and I stayed in my bedroom with the door brace on till they went on, my ex is now in they are ok when they are on their own its worse when they are together. If I smell alcohol I will go back to my bedroom.

My concerns about counselling was I was due to start for PTSD and because I am in the same house as my abuser the wouldn’t do it as they were worried for my safety.

[older lady]

The door brace is to protect you from domestic abuse? Did the police know about this when they made their assessment? Your situation does not feel safe to me. Hope you are okay. xx

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi FS, I’m so sorry you had to experience that today, it must be especially heart breaking from your son. I just wanted to say that I worked and owned my house when I left my abuser, he refused to leave. For a while I continued paying half the mortgage and giving him money because I believed I had to. I really struggled to pay my own rent and bills though so I stopped. The mortgage company were fine with it, they didn’t care which one of us paid it as long as it was paid. The house has now sold with no problems (I waited until he wanted to). Could you not leave and rent somewhere? Anything would be better than continuing to live feeling so unsafe. Take care of yourself xx

[Falling Skys]

Older Lady

I show them my door brace and my alarms, I have one on the back on my door and another that I carry with me. Which at night is on my pillow as is a mobile. Sounds dramatic but its how I’m use to living.

I think they are worried about is exculating, but as it was verbal there was nothing they could do.

My ex I can normally read, my son is firing his bullets now and is a wild card. But know they know the police are involved they should give me some room.

I am a little jumpy but Im ok, I will not let them win.

[Positiveandlookingahead]

I hope you are ok. Well done for standing up to them! Just please be as safe as you can. How are they behaving now with you? Keep posting it with us do not show your weakness to this man keep breathing and keep yourself busy and away from him.

[Falling Skys]

Hi PP

My solicitor has told me if I leave without his agreement I have to pay half the bills. We have no mortgage, just the running of the house. With what I earn at the moment I can’t pay that and rent. I am trying to get another job with more money. But as yet no luck. But I can go away on breaks, which I do.

He loves this house and the only thing against it is that I’m still in it. The agents give me 24 hours notice of any viewing as he/they do a dirty protest so I can make it clean. Also I have just found out that though he’s done some work in one of the rooms, he now is telling the estate agent he still has work to do in it. This is a lie. So if I’m not here to keep an eye on his actions I have no hope of ever getting him out.

🙁

[Falling Skys]

Hi PALA

Thank you for your kind words.

Son is at work till late, ex is quiet. I do think of them as a mad dogs that you don’t show fear too. But it breaks my heart at times.

But every day I’m nearer the end of it.

xx

[Peaceful Pig]

I’m sorry but I can’t see how that can be right. Why should you pay bills for a house you are not living in? And how could it be enforced anyway? Have you sought a second opinion? I don’t mean to disagree, I just hate to think of you feeling stuck if there is a way out for you xx

[Falling Skys]

PP

Because the bills are in both our names, and because both our names are on the deeds. As there will be a profit when the house sales they will take it out of the before I get my share.

I think these rules were put in to help victims, but abusers are using it to their advantage.

I gave him four option in court, he and our son buy me out, we both move out and have half the rent till it sales, I stay and give him of what the rent would be or I move out and he gives me half of what rent would be till it sales. He refused all of them.

🙁

[older lady]

Hello, Falling Skys, hope your night was ok. Xx

[Falling Skys]

Thank you OL

They were quiet, though my sleep was disturb. I will be out later with a friend, so it will only be this evening that could be awkward.

I feel more settle now, I have had more support from the ladies on this site than anywhere else, strangers bonded by abuse and the realisation that we deserve a better life.

FSx

[Serenity]

Hi Falling Skys,

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through.

I want you to know that every day of your life is precious and you don’t deserve to be treated like that, and after manage to get out, I hope that you will treat yourself like a queen as you truly deserve.

It is appalling that your son treats you in this way.

I wanted to say that my ex left and even though his name was on many of the bills too, he got away with not paying them, because many utility providers asked when he left, and then told me that he wasn’t really liable then. Even though my solicitor told me my ex was liable really, it never even came up in court. I have had to pay all the outstanding bills on my own, because they say I am liable as I am still in the house.

I would check again about the bill issue.

The best scenario for you would be to get out of that place, rent your own little space. Even if the bill issue came up later in your divorce, maybe you could just get slightly less of what’s owed to you rather than pay bills from now til then?

If you leave, you can telephone all the utility providers and inform them you are leaving and do at least they will have d a record. What you might owe can be sorted out later at financial settlement.

Big hugs x

[Falling Skys]

Hi and thank you serenity

I have some time off work coming up. I will get some more advice then. Even if it only confirms I have to stay.

It’s not a good situation to be in at the best of time. But part of me feels that I have let him win if I get out.

FS xx

[Serenity]

I can understand, FS.

I am just worried about your health.

Even if you left, it wouldn’t mean that you wouldn’t get your share in the property. It would need dividing eventually. Sometimes, not letting abusers win means just ridding them from your life and freeing yourself to enjoy an abuse-free life. I don’t give a toss what my ex thinks- whether he thinks he’s won or lost-all I care about is that I don’t have to see him everyday.

I am also worried about you because, so far, he’s managing to stall the sale of the house, but as that draws near, he might up the abuse. I just think your safety is paramount. Xx

[Confused123]

Hey HUn

Sending u massive hug out, what a horrible scenario to be in , I didn’t realize the mortgage was paid off, I’m sure if it is just the bills u need to get your name removed of the utility bills and than u can leave , as u have lived in the house for so long and mortgage is paid off u can still get your half when the house is sold. U did absoulelety right in calling the police if they are threating u, yes they will be angry and may cause u more trouble, but this is where u have to keep calling the police when they become abusive and ask for them to be removed from house if they continue to threaten u. I know when I left my ex my eldest became really abusive towards me and it is heart breaking when u have to call the police on your own child but if that s what u have to do to protect yourself then call them, just make sure your phone is always on guard and safe as my son actually used to snatch my phone on so I couldn’t get help , just trying to pre warn u how they think, id even buy a cheap emergency phone and keep hidden in your room in case u r ever in danger

[Falling Skys]

Thank you Serenity for caring the support of this group keeps me going. I am seeing professionals next week and will try and work things out in my head.

Sadly though he plays up with me here he would be a lot worse about the sale of the house if I wasn’t here. Even friends of his say if I leave he will never sale it.

Con123, thank you for your advice, I now have two phones, I keep my hand bag with me at all times, which have my phones, keys and alarm in it. Even when I wake up in the night I take my phone with me. At work if I am on my own I lock the door, I think its over kill but I have been wrong in the past.

It was the worse thing in my life I have ever done to call the police partially because on my son. But I will no longer be abused by anyone.

FS xx

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Hello FS please tell me that you are safe. I am worried about you x

[Confused123]

Hey HUn

THink u r totally right for been on guard and he is been aqward to get u out of house, its just ashame your son has joined in, i pray u get a quick sale

[Malaya]

Hi FS. How are you doing?

I hate the thought of you in that house with your phone and alarms like that. I don’t think that’s right about the bills you know. If you left, you just contact the suppliers with the date you went and meter readings as a bonus, and it’s done.

I’m sure the courts could see through his stalling in regards to selling the house. Can you call the women’s aid helpline and ask if they can recommend a solicitor with experience of domestic abuse in your area? I think you need someone who understands abusers and their tactics

I pray you are safe physically and mentally. Lots of love x

[Falling Skys]

PL I am safe. He did try and start more verbal abuse. But I just said that’s it getting more verbal and he went quiet.

Con123 yes it’s best to be over the top with my safety but better that not being and getting hurt.

Malaya I have a WA support worker and text here the details she will be in contact.

My solicitor is well thought of localy by WE infact it was her that suggested I spoke with WA. That’s one reason I haven’t gone against what she said. She had been very good with other things. Sadly my ex (could call him a lot worse) is now staying just within the law and is using it to his benefit. I also email her about the incident.

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Hello. Okay I hear what you’re saying but still worried. Please stay in touch with us all. I absolutely hate these men they’re vile!! I’m sure that your support worker will have put a safety plan in place but I still fear for your safety. I’m just worried about how he will react to you having the upper hand. When it is safe to do so please do call the helpline again xxxx

[Falling Skys]

Thank you PL for your concerns. Ex work night and son works evenings so as long as I’m out early and back late I don’t have to see them.

Have log the incident with my support worker and solicitor today.

Also chased up the house agents. He is giving them access to take more pictures some.

They are vile, cruel and devious excuses for men.

One day I will be free and content. But he with be sad, mean and never happy.

[Author]

Posts