I feel silly but

[Chocolatebunnie]

Sorry I’m posting again not sure if I’m over analysing as I’m tired.

Husband is going on and on about a (detail removed by Moderator), he wants it professionally done.

He works with some really rough and ready types and there views are most certainly not like mine. Things is husband gets taken in and is a people pleaser he doesn’t say no will go along with the crowd and quite honestly I think he shares same views deep down.

Anyway his obsession with the (detail removed by Moderator) is just beginning to bother me as I’m wondering what his work mates have told him, like extras. He’s not fussy where he goes for the (detail removed by Moderator).

How do I act? I’m struggling with this as he’s not very open with me.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Chocolatebunnie

You be true to yourself. His behaviour and lack of communication with you over all the time you’ve been together has left you untrusting of his motives and considerations towards you, why wouldn’t it. Bottom line is he’s blown your trust in his respect for you, so it’s only natural that you would be anxious around something that men commonly interpret as being sexual. Does he say what he expects a (detail removed by Moderator) would do for him? What does he say he will get out of it as I think his answer would be telling for you.

I am sorry you are having these anxious feelings, but it’s best to write them as you have, and I hope that it helped to do that, to have somewhere to bring them.

You take care

warmest wishes

ts

[Chocolatebunnie]

Nice to hear from you TS

Absolutely agree with what you say, he has blown my trust in many ways.

He says it’s for pain relief, initially I believed him and thought nothing of it but the fact he’s gone on and on, makes me wonder. The fact he’s not fussy either where he goes is a red flag to me, he’s playing dumb thinking I don’t suspect him possibly.

It could be innocent and me being paranoid however he said I bet they’ll be pretty or some kind of comment I’ve chosen not to remember. I did call his bluff by insinuating two can play that game, that there are equally attractive males who provide therapy, but he’s still looking to go get one.

[Twisted Sister]

I don’t think it’s paranoia when he speaks so inappropriately instead of therapy specific, it is a red flag saying stuff like I bet she’s pretty or such personal comments, and you can say this, that the way he is behaving around this is wholly inappropriate and weird and it’s telling you exactly what he’s after.

The other possibility, and also fairly likely if I know abusers tactics at all, is that he’s banking on this making you jealous. IDK what his general demeanour is at the moment, it could be that he’s feeling a need to unbalance you and make you feel like you should be chasing after him, begging him and so on. When I’ve felt I’ve been goaded this way, I’ve ignored it regardless of how it made me feel because they are looking to provoke this insecurity in you,and get a reaction. I think I’d just say that if he went somewhere to carry on like he’s talking about, to not expect you to be physically close again.

Keep looking after yourself.

Warmest wishes

ts

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