I feel so lost today

[Anonymous]

All week my daughters been “off” she has be quite stable for a few weeks but while I was on a break with her dad she was different. I couldn’t put my finger on it but she wasn’t right. She wanted me to end the relationship. Through her Camhs sessions with a psychologist she has accepted that the relationship is toxic. I ended it a very recently. All the time we were on a break she refused to speak to him. I tried to let her know that it was ok to be angry but it’s ok to love her dad too. In the session with the psychologist she said she hated him & never wanted to see him again. I didn’t believe her & knew she was just hurting. (Removed by moderator) Alarm bells rang straight away & I told her she couldn’t sleep out & she had to come straight home. She decided to stay at my mums. I got a Tx (removed by moderator) saying she is going to live with her dad!!! I’m devastated, I know this is why she’s done it. I’ve put some boundaries in place that she doesn’t like & she is getting revenge by doing this. What should I do? He won’t let her live with him so I know even if she thinks that it’s not going to happen. She won’t speak to me. I feel so alone today, last night I thought to myself if I just kill myself would everyone be better off? I’ve had intrusive thought of suicide recently & they’re directly linked to when my daughter pushes me away. I just feel like if she does move in with me I can’t go on, she is my reason for living & I couldn’t survive without her. I’m confused by her reaction, we’re always a team but now she hates me. What the point of everything if she feels like this?

[Anonymous]

I think your daughter is just testing you because she’s feeling hurt. Sometimes my lo does things that she knows will hurt me and the best answer that I’ve found is to show her that I love her no matter how she behaves.

[Anonymous]

Thanks freedoms, I’m so upset. She wanted me to end the relationship so I didn’t think she would react like this. I’ve sent her a msg telling her I love her etc. She knows exactly what to do to break my heart.

[Tuppance]

Oh Moogie
This is my fear too but I was talking to a lady today and she said children needs structure and boundaries. They fight against them but they are testing your love for them. Let her go to her dad with all your love and support and be ready to help her pick up the pieces when he rejects her. If he does accept her then please try and stay strong. The damage you would do to. Your daughter by ending your life is not fair on her when children struggle with their emotions. Children feel lost too at times and we, as their mums, have to be their constant in their life. She will come back to you but she won’t want to if she feels you have rejected her. Try to support her and get some support for yourself to help you come to terms with her life choice. I say all this but I know I would feel exactly the same. Please stay strong and love her unconditionally. Parenting is by far the hardest most heart breaking job in the world x*x

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi Moogie, this must be so painful for you especially just now when you’ve only just been so brave and escaped. Our children’s reactions can be so confusing and hurtful. Mine are younger but have been downright abusive to me at times. When I had to stop contact with their dad for a time due to things they were disclosing, they were really aggressive for ages. After a while my eldest asked me “how can you still love us? We’ve been evil to you.” So I can vouch for the fact they need to test your love for them. They really do test it to the limits sometimes. I also had suicidal urges back then, I had a week when they were away with him and a careless unhelpful MAT worker made me feel I was letting them down and something snapped in me. I totally broke and gave up then. I’d only found the courage to leave to help them. I’d never have done it for me as I had no care for myself. So what was the point if they were unhappy. Well things have moved on a lot since then and I am very happy to still be here for them giving them unconditional love they would get from no-one else. Hang on in there and have faith in your love for your daughter. Sending hugs x*x

[Anonymous]

Thank you for the kind words ladies. She’s just been to pick up some clothes & was so hurtful, I let her know that if she wanted to hurt me she had. I know this will get through to her. I’ve not had any thoughts of suicide for a couple of months but at times like this I just wish I could dissapear, I know I can’t but it would be a lot simpler.

[Author]

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