I feel so stupid and confused 😓.

[Starmoon]

I’ve read over a few of my old posts on here… to remind myself Of the things he’s done… last year he assulted me and was arrested.. that’s when the no contact started, but even after months apart, I still went back.
I was so guarded in the beginning and I even sound strong in some of my posts… but now I’m back to square one. He’s left me because I’m the nightmare, I didn’t deserve him?! I know I’m not the easiest person to be with but I don’t want to Believe I’m not lovable… when we got back together I tried really hard to Believe that everything was a misunderstanding on both parts… everything seemed so perfect a few months back but now it’s all gone

[KIP.]

Starmoon, it is not your fault. I took my abuser back again and again, thinking it was my fault. If I just tried harder, gave him more sex etc etc. It was never me. He would just keep changing the goal posts. He is the one who assaulted you. Are you in touch with women’s aid? You need councelling from a professional who can explain the dynamics of domestic abuse. There is a book ‘Living with the Dominator’ by Pat Craven. Really opened my eyes. Our self esteem and confidence are so eroded by his abuse and lies that we cannot see the whole picture. With no contact, the fog of abuse will clear and you will see him as a predator, a liar, manipulator, selfish, nasty, self centred abuser and will be glad to have him out your life x

[Anonymous]

Hi starmoon

Lovex does not hurt .. dont blame yourself. I tried to run so many times from my abuser .but i lived in hope he would change .but nope it got worse . I run in the end after he threatened my dog.. ive never looked back hun .

Stay strong and get support X

[Serenity]

I agree with I Am Free.

I have realised that love shouldn’t hurt.

As was said on my wedding day in church- love is ( or should be) patient and kind.

Also, love should be one person relating to another person’s needs, prioritising that person at least some of the time, things which abusers can’t do, because it’s all about them.

They expect everyone else to be perfect, even though they have glaring faults themselves ( which they don’t admit).

Abusers focus on others’ imperfections because it means they don’t have to look at themselves, and also by focussing on others’ imperfections, they get normal, good-enough people to feel badly about themselves, pander to them and allow the abuser to treat them badly, because in their mind they end up wondering it they deserve it.

Maximising others’ faults and minimising their own is a smokescreen for abusers to carry out their abuse, a way of trying to justify it and brainwash people into thinking the abuse is deserved or acceptable. If you call an abuser out on his behaviour, and tell him he is an abuser, he will no doubt tell you that you are ‘delusional’ – what seems to be a fact pyrite word of abusers, as they try to make you doubt reality and make you question yourself

We must fight against that, because then our abuser has succeeded in making us his long-term victim, even after he’s gone. There is never any excuse for abuse, whether someone is perfect or imperfect. No human being has a right to demoralise another. Abusers will try to justify their behaviour, but must be stopped.

You have a right to live in peace with yourself. To like yourself. No one is perfect, but you are plenty good enough. He’s the warped one.

[godschild]

Hi Starmoon, good to hear from you, ive not posted on here until today in ages,have always wondered how you are, they never change,always blame us,you are as vunerable as me in putting up with the crapo they dole out, take carexxx

[Author]

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