I feel stuck

[Farawayplanet]

How do you leave?

I know that sounds like the most stupidest question but here is some background information –

My main issue is my job. I work from home. All my systems are installed at home and they are not portable. I am unable to work in the office as this is several hundred miles away.

If I leave, I will have no job/income until I find a new place and work have installed the systems. I will then have to pay back the installation costs each month. That extra deduction for the first year will cripple me. Especially as I will have extra childcare to pay for too. Plus, moving fees, rental deposits and charges etc I can not afford this.

Or, I can stay and ask him to leave. But what if he doesn’t? This is what I most fear. It is the easiest option for all for him to leave but will he.

I feel stuck.

Has anyone been in this position?

[Hetty]

It’s so difficult to think through different options. There can often feel like too many so putting up and shutting up can seem so much easier. Things that need to be sorted can feel like mountains. They keep us trapped.
My advice would be to reach out to your local WA. It can feel like a very daunting and confusing time so having someone to talk to who really understands what you’re going through is invaluable. You don’t have to make snap decisions and can start working in an exit plan that is safe and best for you. Start writing down all the abuse if you haven’t already. If you own your home seek a free consult with a solicitor. If you feel able speak to a manager at work who you trust? There may be something they can do under the circumstances. Open every door and ask for help where you can. You can’t do this on your own. I’ve tried in the past and it’s felt so hard I’ve stayed.
Don’t tell him what you’re planning.
You can get out, nothing is unfixable.

[Hetty]

Re personal experience. I’m working on my exit plan. My husband won’t leave the house and I have a child who isn’t his. The best option for me is to move out and that’s where WA are helping. I’m working on things one day at a time.

[KIP.]

Who owns the house. Is it a joint mortgage or lease. Get some legal advice on where you stand. You can ring Rights of Women or get some advice from a local solicitor. Most offer an initial free consultation. Contact your local women’s aid for support. If he’s abusive and you have evidence you can apply for a non molestation order or an occupation order to have him removed. He’s very aware that you need to be at home for work so he’s going nowhere. You could also look at renting somewhere nearby and move your things you need to another property. Maybe taking a couple of weeks annual leave to facilitate this. What would you do if there was a fire and the work stuff was destroyed? What would you do if you had to move anyway. There must be a process to move the work stuff. Start keeping a secret journal of his abuse. You could consider contacting the police for advice. Mine was removed from the home and given bail conditions not to return. Make a safe exit plan whether that involved getting him out or getting you out. But you do need help with this. Ring the helpline number on here too for advice x

[Author]

Posts