I feel such a fraud , I thought I was doing well

[NewWings]

I had a melt down and rang my poor Aunt who has stuck by me. It was all because of a pointed put down at work. My line manager has reported me more than once. She did this to a previous colleague and got him out, I knew immediately I was the next on her radar. My ex told her stories about me, how do I know because she hinted at my condition. How did she know I was bipolar? He told her he had her number on his phone. A colleagues mum died and I wanted to go but was excluded. I was then asked to help with painting the set guess what they didn’t turn up until 20 mins later and were surprised to see me. Recently if I tell a story she cuts in just before the punchline and changes the subject. Initially I thought it was just me so I started to tell a story to see if she did it again. Guess what she did by swearing at her phone in the loudest voice. I thought I was used to this and had accepted that some people will see me as an impaired individual. Despite the fact that I spent 50 without a label.
I for some reason thought my sister had the wool pulled over her eyes by my ex. Then it hit me so hard I howled in tears I finally understood that she knew all along that he was abusing me and helped him. Over the years she has said some unforgivable things to me about me my brother and my other brother who committed suicide. I realise now that she absolutely hates me. What’s wrong with me that so many seem to hate me? All the drama of my married life I now place at my exes feet. Yes I know I ran away but he scared the living bejesus out of me. I thought he was going to kill me,I still feel that he would if he got half the chance. My sister has had no sympathy and behaves as though I don’t have a condition and did what I did for badness. All my friends have been chased away and now I feel it’s all too much for my Aunt to take. My youngest has a severe learning disability and all I get is sneering from family. They are so critical of my children. What’s wrong with people. I want nothing more to do with any of them my sister is still 2 years down the line trying her level best to control my life. She revelled in the that she has often had the attention of both her husband and mine. What can I say I really must be a horrible horrible person. I don!t understand. Why?

[lover of no contact]

Hi NewWings,

Its not you. You’re just on the receiving end of people at work and people in your family who choose to have the upper hand over others (bullying behaviour), put others down, be superior so they can feel better themselves.

I can relate. I escaped an abusive marriage and an abusive mum. Thought that would be it. Then find myself in my new job on the receiving end of bullying behaviours by my boss and other colleagues. Keep posting. I was well and truly victimized and feeling so low everyday (as there was so many of them), but I have become stronger and its not as bad this year (because I’ve changed and do minimum contact with them). One of the bully colleagues left which reduced the power base among them. The others I just try and reduce my contact with them. I never initiate conversation, will respond politely but without it being obvious I try not to engage. I now choose not to waste my time with people who treat me badly and save my contact for the non-bullies.

There are bullies (abusers) in my family too. I had to cut contact with my mum and brother. That has made a tremendous difference to my peace of mind. Mind and emotions no longer in a mess. It is sad but healthy for me.

It really isn’t you. Its them.

[Ayanna]

Hi New Wings, I found that after leaving abuse I have to change everything. I have a new home, I changed work, I got rid of fake friends, I am strict with my family, I only accept people who accept me as I am.
Everything has to change in order to get a peaceful life.

[Author]

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