I feel trapped

[Lostmother]

not long after I got married thing changed, my husband became harsh and inconsiderate. I became the butt of his jokes when we where out, he often called me useless and that I would not be able to do things without him.

as time went on he started arguing about me going out with my friends (detail removed by Moderator). He wanted me to stop going out with them. When I refused that’s when all the money started to be pulled out of the joint bank account, so that I had no money to go out, unless it was with him.

At the time that was the only bank account i had, Any money I earned from working as a (detail removed by Moderator) was also gone. There was very little food, I could never get things that I needed…

I eventually got a second (detail removed by Moderator) job that paid a little cash in hand, it was not alot but it was enough for getting bits that I needed and the odd time to meet up with the girls while he was at work. However it did not take long before he found out and I ended up losing the job.

As time went on my mental health was declining, my panic attacks where happening more often, I was becoming scared of people knocking on the door, phones ringing and started to get scared to go outside on my own.

I found a home visiting support worker to help me with my mental health and to get out, but I was never left alone with her to talk. (detail removed by Moderator) she brought up money and about opening my own bank account for the child benefits. He did not like that and told her we had a joint account for that. She suddenly laid into him, telling him (detail removed by Moderator). I sat stunned in silence, as he told her to get out. However her words did open my eyes to what was going on.

(detail removed by Moderator) I did open my own bank account which was not easy when i had nothing under my name except for one thing i found. When i told him I was going to move the child tax credits and child benefits into my account. He told me I couldn’t (detail removed by Moderator). By this point I knew differently, I knew it was under both our names, I had the paperwork. So the next time he was away working (detail removed by Moderator) I called up and had it changed. He was p****d but nothing he can do, however he demanded that I covered all the bills with it. It wouldn’t cover even half of our bills.

My first born was a hard baby. He would screamed day and night, never slept at all! One day I was exhausted , so I asked him to watch the baby so I could have some sleep. (detail removed by Moderator) I heard him screaming back at my screaming baby, followed by a loud rattling sound. I was back in that room in a heart beat to find him (detail removed by Moderator). I was shocked, I’ve never seen him like that, he never been physically mean before

I never left him alone with the baby after that. Even if I was exhausted and know I should of left then but I was scared, I am scared.

Things got a little better, he was mainly out in the pub or doing a job. When he was home I still did not leave him alone with the baby. I was forever watchful. Expecially when he was in one of his moods. I would leave the room with my baby and still do to this day.

When I got pregnant with baby 2, the belittling began again, but this time not just me. My oldest is now being called stupid, asked if he had a brain etc.

Then lockdown happened. He was contently angry with the kids. contently stomping and slamming doors. He always shouting and swearing at them every day over little things. Especially if they touch his stuff. He goes on for ages at them…

I’ve had to take the kids upstairs. I’ve had to pull my kids away when he has (detail removed by Moderator).

I’m on constant alert trying to protect my kids. I want to take my kids and leave but I have no money to go where family is and no friends where I am now.

[nbumblebee]

I couldnt read and not post my goodness sweetie you are so brave to have been so honest.
Here we get you many of us get it and suffer very much the same.
You have done so well to have done what you have to have realised and acted upon his abuse on your own but now i really do believe you need to reach out and grab a helping hand.
Tbere will be ladies along soon with more advice and knkedge than I could ever give you. Im still here after decades. My kid are almost all grown. Its affected them badly i know that they suffer anxiety and one has counselling because i am not strong enough to leave. I will carry that regret all my life.
Dont be like that. Ypur babies need you and you need to find some more strength and dig deep within yourself and grab some help. Im sure the moderator on here will have some phone nu.bers or emails for you. You could try your gp or a trusted friend.
As mums all we want to do is protect our kids to do so we also must protect ourselves.
Sending you much love n hugs.
Stay safe stay strong xx

[Squiggle1000]

I am in a similar position. Just keep talking to your local domestic abuse service, they will help you all the way. I am petrified of losing my house and having no money, but keep talking and you will slowly become enlightened and see what you are having to go through. This is abuse and unacceptable behaviour – its only going to get worse as they get older trust me.
Please reach out and get some help or somebody to talk to. My local domestic abuse service have been amazing.
We can do this. X

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