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My ex was more mentally and emotionally abusive than physical (although he had been physical a few times). Mostly he would just put me down a lot calling me unfunny, fat, ugly, no one would want me all the usual stuff. Becuase of this I had low self esteem and social anxiety. (Detail removed by moderator) ago he cheated on me with a woman he had slept with when we had broken up for a month. He cheated on me and moved his stuff from my flat to hers within a week. Lied saying he didn’t have a key for his stuff so I would have to meet him and he would be able to manipulate me as I went to my flat one day and there he was, no missing key! The girl he’s with isn’t very nice she (detail removed by moderator) . I met her at one point when we both found out he ahd been seeing her yet begging for me back so we met to see everything he lied about and at one point I went to give her a cuddle because I thought she was crying, she acted all nice to my face but obviously was mocking me because he said to me about it! Now he keeps constantly emailing me wanting to meet and a boy tagged me on something on facebook and he’s had the audacity to message me about it even though he cheated (detail removed by moderator) ago and has moved in with that woman! I really want to forward her the messages as I’m kind of hell bent on ruining his life as he has done with mine for years. It’s as if I’ve spent so long being controlled by him I’m now enjoying having a bit of power and feeling in control. but I’m not in control as he’s still in my head! I know how petty I’m being and I’ve not done anything but I still can’t help but want to. Did anyone else feel like this? and why can’t I just stop and block him! The fact that he’s messaging trying to get me back makes me feel good and I’m annoyed that it does, but at the end of the day it still does.
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The power for you comes from blocking, ignoring. That’s the biggest wound you can give him. Zero contact is your final word on the matter. You have the last say. It’s like letting him know you know his game and he’s not worthy of being in your life at all. It’s your game. And you’re ending it. If you allow him back in the chances are he will just continue to use and abuse you. Don’t even contact his new partner. He will already have his story ready and you will come off worse. Hang onto that zero contact. Ignore ignore ignore. If he persists then report him for harrassment. He’s not trying to get you back. He’s trying to regain control. He’s moved in with another woman. It’s despicable behaviour. google Triangulation.
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Your so right, thank you. I knew I shouldn’t but know that way when you need someone to talk you out of it. I sometimes forget that these people don’t actually have feelings it’s all just control with them. Trying to hurt his feelings is impossible I will just get myself roped back in. Why can’t I block him though? even though I don’t reply I still like to see him messaging. So weird, wish he didn’t rule so much of my head but if i block him I’ll just sit wondering if he’s messaged me and I can’t make myself stop
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This man has shown us he thinks only of himself, he’s cheated on you, he has no respect for you or your feelings, in fact, he’s not ended your relationship before starting something with someone else – which is incredibly disrespectful and hurtful – sometimes this can even be intentful to leave you feeling floored. He’s disgusting and needs kicking to the kerb. You really are better off without this pig in your life.
You will rise from the ashes, you will have a wonderful life, because you will make it so.
Yes, to get back at him you cut contact and rebuild your life, this is the best form of revenge – they hate this and have no control.
It is very natural to think up all sorts of ways to get back at him, and to a degree, some of this is needed; what is important is that we see it for what it is, a natural feeling but not to act, we don’t want to stoop to their level. I believe if I have integrity in everything I do it is unlikely I will put a foot wrong – this has helped me immensely when dealing with him.
It is also important you tolerate the pain of the loss now, be with it, work it through, it can be tempting to go back to try and avoid the pain of the loss, doesn’t work, it only shows him he can do exactly what he likes and get away with it, which creates yet more pain for you to work through as a result and it really only ever prolongues the ending, which you will still have to face.
Be with those you love now, reach out for support x
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I wonder if you cant block him because you have yet to decide in your heart and mind it is over? You maybe need a bit of time to come to terms this, accept it needs to be this way, that you dont want this anymore, make a promise to yourself that you will never let him back in again. If you work on the head and get this clear in your mind, signed up, the heart will follow over time x
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