I find it difficult

[Anonymous]

To get my head around the fact he were abusive.. it were mainly being hurtful but making out it were his sense of humour that had gone over the top. He were never physical… and he would open doors for me carry my bags… and the intimacy were amazing.. in fact that were probably.the best thing.. he used my past d.v against me though… basically made out i were mental brought up my mother who he knows i no longer speak to anymore because of her abusive behaviour. He were well educated had a great job. My gut feeling were crying out though really from day 1. He knew i couldnt work as ive a son with profound difficulties… he used to have digs at me about this.. but he too had a son with special needs. He thought i were beneath him. If he did just 1 thing for me which wernt often he wanted me to basically lick his shoes… in the early days he would keep my change from things… and from day 1 has never called me by my first name he uses a pet name… hes kind of messed me up in a way… hes a different abuser to my last x

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi there,

It doesn’t have to be physical to be abusive. The good bits are what can keep us confused and keep us in the relationship because it’s rarely always all bad and abusive all the time. There are different ways to abuse but what you are describing here and have described in other posts all sound abusive to me. It’s hard to allow ourselves to realise this though, but to me the fact he justified putting you down as you lacking a sense of humour really hits the nail on the head. Blaming my lack of humour or saying I needed to develop a sense of humour was so often used as an excuse to call me names, put me down, use whatever trauma or pain from my past against me. Awful behaviour. A loving, supportive partner would not have used any of your past pain against you. Keep posting, sometimes we just have to keep writing it out till it makes sense to us x

[Anonymous]

Thanks always sorry… he told me to watch out for the white coats too hinting i were mental x

[Author]

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