- This topic has 28 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
-
Yes, my gosh I tried so many times, I’d sit there screaming inside my head just say it! For ending things, it initially came out in an argument but he’d then ignore it and this kept happening until I eventually said no that’s it – that was somehow easier as if I’d given him warnings. For leaving the property I got to the point of no return where I had to tell him as my new place was all ready to go but I still panicked telling him. This in itself is a massive sign you’re right to leave, we should be able to talk to them! Good luck xx
-
-
You will! Something inside just broke – I’d read about that happening on here but could never imagine it happening but then it did. It wasn’t even a big incident, and I said it. I think the fear of their reaction is a big worry, having a mini plan in your head like you’ll go upstairs/to bed or for a walk or something helps, knowing he’ll kick off and that no matter what you do/say won’t change that. Look after yourself, your time will come xx
-
-
-
Oh my god soooo many times! I wanted to say it for so long, every day just screaming inside my head “just tell him now!” But could never find the courage to do it because I knew as soon as those words came out, he wouldn’t take it lightly. Until one day, (after I had a couple glasses of wine for courage haha!) he came home from work and I just told him straight! As expected he did beat me up but the neighbours heard it all and phoned the police! He’s still in jail now and I’m starting to live my life without his control again! Still getting used to my home being so quiet now, I grew so used to all the chaos! Please please have faith in yourself though, we are all so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for, anything is possible, you can do this! X
-
-
I promise you will! Like I said we have way more strength inside us than we realise! And once you’re out, there’s a sense of freedom you forgot even existed. I’m still trying to get used to it but I just feel so relieved. When you feel ready there’s a whole better life waiting for you, take care lovely! X x x
-
-
-
Maybe your scared of the unknown? I know I was , I wanted out , but struggled to say it , for fear of how I would feel when it was over , how I would cope , repercussions. It becomes habit staying with someone who clearly is no good to us , then breaking away can be frightening, overwhelming. I would say try not to overthink it , you will find the strength, that inner voice will shout it out , your time will come xx
-
-
Fear and survival newgirl, it’s probably been your main coping mechanism over the years (maybe since childhood?) my main ones were freezing and fawning (sometimes fight and flight) but it’s your reaction. 💗🤗💗
-
-
😢 I hope you get there newgirl, maybe reading in other people’s posts how they got out or in positive moments or getting out could help, also maybe seeing a therapist who could help you with calming tactics with the fear you’ve got or gp. I remember what it was like and how they had this dark invisible control over me, I don’t know if you’ve read in other posts, never tell them your plans to leave (they usually manipulate, get angry, promise change, guilt trip or pressurise till you change your mind) remember you deserve a better, healthier life
💗💕💗 -
Thank you honestly others posts give me hope and strength the advice they give helps so much x I know I will get there and I will see what work can offer in therapy as money is tight at mo but I know it’s needed Gp kind of scared me with what they thought he could do but again I know they are only looking out for me x x x x
-
🤗🤗🤗
-
-
I’m the same I know it’s for the best, but I just can’t take the step. It’s just the thought of the upheaval, selling the house, moving, but I know it will be better once it’s over.
-
-
Oh wow yes I remember it building and building inside of me.. my moment was when I realised I am a better version of myself without him. Still unsure at that point I asked to separate to clear my head and him his head (I didn’t know back then that his head is empty 🤷♂️)… he accused me of all sorts, it was like a pendulum for a while with his mood swings as they got worse..took me 3 separate attempts and eventually I got him to leave. You will get your moment Newgirl ❤ I can hear your strength, trust your gut and not a word that comes out of his mouth, have you got a safe leaving plan in place? Xx
-
Omg that’s exactly what I’m going through the accusing I don’t do anything I don’t go out I work at home but yet I still get accused it’s worse when he drinks also x at the moment my plan is stay in adult daughters room while apply for everything then go but if things turn nasty then I will need to just go and come back for the kids they are older so will be ok
He is all emotional and mental abuse so I don’t think he will actually physically hurt but if he does I will just go and deal with that x I have family here but nobody has offered to put me up but I’m sure if I turned up they would help x
-
-
Yep. Yep and yep.
Every day i wake up and i say enough to myself but thats as far as i go.
I was talking to someone else on here earlier and i said to them I think its the fear of the unknown ive lived this life for decades its all ive ever known i dont want to leave i cant im too frozen too scared. I know as hard as it is i know i can survive here its not a life but i can survive out there on my own i have no idea how id cope if id cope. Where do i go? How do i go? How do i cope? How do i live? Its just too hard to scarey to even think about so I dont. I get up I tell myself enough you got this but an hour later im back pretending getting through the day cause its better than the unknown.
Thats why i stay. Maybe you are the same. How do we break out?
Gosh I have no idea.
For now i work on me. Getting me better stronger happier in other aspects of my life I have set up a what I call “get outta jail” fund where i save what i can for emergencys making new friends well trying too with him around so i have a support network just small things for me. Im not thinking about leaving I cant Im just doing tiny little things for me and not telling him a thing.
Stay safe xxxxx-
Oh bless you x I can understand that x as long as you are safe tho x you deserve to be happy x I am trying to get stronger in myself and just focusing on me and the kids they are older x I can’t wait to leave I have stuff at family ready a tv plates microwave etc x it’s just this last step I hate confrontation so I go silent but I just hope that one day soon I will just say it I’m getting close I think this week I stuck up for myself and shouted oh whatever! Lol that’s a start I guess x we will get there this forum helps so much everyone’s experience and support is out of this world but it helps to build us up x we are not alone as we have each other x thank you x x x x
-
-
-
-
Hi everyone and especially Newgirl. I’m new to the Forum and have been reading everyone’s posts getting the ‘me too’s’ and gaining strength and support from your messages. I managed to leave and have been homeless for some time, I was secretly looking at houses and plucking up the courage to go, but my hand was forced as he was checking my phone and found something from (detail removed by moderator). Even though me & the kids have been homeless and staying with various family members, it’s still been better than being in that toxic situation. I did start to think, was it that bad, was it actually me who was unreasonable? But your experiences have made me realise, it wasn’t normal, it wasn’t right and I never deserved to be treated that way. I’m still greaving for what could have been, for the life he promised me and what I thought our future would turn out like. It’s sad how it turned out but I am now free. I can wear what I want, listen to any music I want, talk to my family and friends without fear and just live in peace. Here’s to the future ladies. Newgirl, it is a brave step to take but you know in your heart what’s right for you. Can you confide in anyone? Do you have someone to help you?
-
Welcome lovely x I’m so pleased you are here and are free and safe x things will sort itself out and you will soon have a home x grieving process is only natural lovely but you will get there.
I have had the confidence to tell my family my work friends and some other friends that was a huge step for me but one that concretes that I need out x it has helped to have their support x it also makes it’s real what you’ve been hiding for so long has finally been revealed x realisation was massive for me that only happened this year so I will get there I have too it’s what I want x x x
-
-
-
Honey, you don’t have to say anything. You can just go. You’ll know when you’re ready. Then just high tail it out of there. Tell him when you’re safely out of harms way.
Don’t underestimate emotional and psychological abuse. I nearly took my own life! It didn’t need violence from him to put me at serious risk.
-
I totally understand that, it’s so unpleasant and the way it makes you doubt everything!
I wish I could just high tail it but I think I may have to stay here while I sort housing for the kids and I x my kids are older ish one has autism so I need to think about that one x I think that’s why I’m kind of hoping he will do it but I know that won’t happen so I need to be strong and find my voice x it will happen as it has too the kids and I cannot carry on like this x
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
