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Through my counselling I have come to realise my abusive relationship has left me with a long list of internal “I should”, “I ought” and “I’d better” thoughts. So for example “I should be up doing something, I am so lazy”.
She has asked me to change these thoughts to “I give myself permission to *insert action* because *insert reason*. For example “I give myself permission to sit down because I deserve some down time”.
I struggle with the reason why I give myself permission. I struggle more if the sentence includes the phrase “because I deserve…”. It feels truly uncomfortable.
But I know I want to feel like I deserve things. Does anyone have any good “I deserve” affirmations to help me out as I am struggling?
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I deserve to be happy. Noone has the right to make anyone else miserable just because they are. It takes too many muscles to be sad, and frowning, it causes much more wrinkles for one, so give yourself permission to be happy because you don’t want anymore wrinkles😊😊
I give myself permission to go out,because fresh air is good fir me and makes me feel happy. (And when you’re happy, you smile more😊)
I deserve to sit and watch my favourite programme because ive been on my feet all day and this is my time.
just a few to be going on with
You also deserve it because you’re worth it(cheesy I know, but so true)
IWMB 💞💞 -
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I understand the first part of the phrase, I give myself ‘permission…to exist’ for example – name of my favourite youtuber btw 😄
I don’t understand why you have to add a ‘because’ to complete it though. Why add a reason to a permission? Isn’t it plenty enough even challenging at times to give yourself permission to anything after having been abused?
‘I give myself permission to go out and have fun.’
The phrase stops there. I don’t need to provide a reason to anyone, not even myself.If you need an answer for your therapist, tell her one of the following;
I give myself permission to blablah because…
I am saying so
I am great
I am fantastic
I am the best
I am so very beautiful
I am Einstein level intelligent
I am kind
I am fed up
I am
I am FREE TO CHOOSE!!!!Great therapy though, enjoy it! And don’t do exactly what you’re been told by your therapist, you are allowed to adjust the exercises to your own needs and preferences.
Another exercise I found very helpful was ‘it would have been nice if…’ i was able to change the past with my imagination and it was very liberating.
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Maybe your therapist feels that your difficulty is centred around you believing you don’t deserve to do what you want.
It may actually be that you feel that you can’t sit down etc, not because you don’t deserve it but because your used to being critisised for it.
Maybe your therapist can explore why you feel you “should be doing…..”. You can have your own set of values now and leave the ghost of your ex’s values behind. It’s very liberating! And if you deliberately leave the dishes until the morning because you can, it really flips the birdie to your ex! It feels good.
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Thanks for all you input ladies. It’s really helpful. A lot of my “I should” statements are my Exs statements and they have stayed with me it seems. We’ve been at this for a few months and just uncover layers of damage that he’s done. It’s only in the last few weeks that there has been a shift and my anxiety levels are starting to lower in a noticeable way.
Eggshells, you are spot on. She is exploring exactly what you said. The homework is part 1 of the process really.
KIP I love “I choose”. I give myself permission was a suggested start of the sentence as I couldn’t think of anything which resonated with me but I think I may have to use that. It feels more me.
I think we all deserve whatever we like. We’ve been through a lot and now it’s our time. And if you are still with your abusive partner remember you still deserve great things despite what he might say
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