I give up

[Liquorice]

So much to say but where to start, one day i think i can do it, i can talk about it i can ask for help, for god sake someone please help me…is there really any point though, most of the posts i read make me think it just gets harder, no one really cares its just paperwork..sad tonight.

[Tuppance]

Please don’t give up. I am too at the start of my journey but I know where I want to be and the posts here, no matter if some are hard to read, show me that there are others who know what we are going through, who really do care. There are so many positive stories and posts on here too so it must be worth it in the end? It scares me too but I read what pain people have been through, are going through and I find it comforting – I must be able to do it too? Xx

[Anonymous]

Hi Liquorice. That sense of hopelessness you feel is because you’re in an abusive relationship. You’ve been brainwashed & it’s perfectly normal to feel like this. You question your own sanity because these men are so good at messing with our minds. I can promise you…….it’s so worth it! I’m X weeks out of my abusive relationship & I’m starting to feel like my old self. I’m free to do what I want when I want without the constant worry of what he will do or say. It’s liberating. Yes it’s so hard to find the strength to actually leave, but it’s so worth it. You deserve to be happy, you deserve an abuse free life. The doubt you’re feeling is all conditioning to keep you in his cycle of abuse. So please don’t give up. I can tell you it’s worth the hassle, I’m actually starting to enjoy my life again, something I haven’t felt for a very long time. Ring the helpline, they will help you make a plan to get out safely. Take back control & free yourself.

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Liquorice, I completely agree with Moogie, its hard if not impossible to see the wood for the trees when your in the thick of the abuse. The brain washing, gas lighting, smoke & mirrors, guilt & blame all make it seem as if you are walking around in some sort of dense fog. Most of us here have felt that. This combined with feeling that your mental state is being adversely effected, its very scary. I broke up from my ex *** months ago now. I’m still trying to work out in my mind what happened & what I was actually dealing with. A n**********c conman I suspect. The fog and confusion that is left takes some working through. But work through it you can. Many women on here have broken away or thinking about doing so. If you take time to read through the posts, its possible to go right back and read a lot of posts if you have time on your hands. Also get a better understanding of emotional, financial, sexual abuse, i’m sorry i don’t know if your partner is physically violent. Next week there is a live discussion on coercive control. This live sessions are really helpful, a little bit like one to one counselling on the specifics. There are also some really valuable threads, books and websites:
Threads on forum:
Can anybody give any examples of gaslighting..
Plausible Deniability
Its your perception
Silent Treatment
Its not right to walk on eggshells, feel fearful or anxious…

Great websites on domestic abuse:
(detail removed by moderator)
(detail removed by moderator)
20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative N*********s, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You

Books to read:

All books by HG Tudor, free to read on Amazon
30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships
Why does he do that?
Invisible Chains
Living with the Dominator
All books by Zari Ballard (my favourite)

Abuse expert: Melanie Tonia Evans

[Suntree]

Thank you for the link.

[Ayanna]

If you want to leave, do it.
If you have to call the police, do it.
Do what you know is good for you.
Whatever comes after, deal with it.

Nothing lasts forever and you will be free.

Share your thoughts here. Do not bottle up anything. x*x

[Serenity]

It is worth seeing it through. Going through the difficulty and pain of getting out.

Some problems take a while to disappear, but you won’t ever feel the deep despair that you feel being stuck in an abusive relationship. X

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

U r feeeling so drained thats why u r thining is there any point, yes there is , there is light at end of tunnel, u have the right to live a happy life, u deserve yourinner peace. do this for yourself, i too ws on giving up point when i left my ex, i thought thats it ive given up i dont care, but when my ex said he was going to kill me within three months, i still though i dont care anymore, but something within me said u better start caring and i some how made an appointment and plan to get out. Towards the end u have to take that step to get out, there is support out there, just call the helpline on this site, tell your gp, call the police just for advice, i didnt even know u could do that , they will refer u to who can help u , u can do this hun and beleive me its not that scary as we think it is

[Positiveandlookingahead]

We are not letting you give up. Talk to us we see here see your GP believe me when I say there is a light at the end of the tunnel x*x

[Liquorice]

Thank you everyone,all so kind.think he is right though im probably just being over sensitive, went to my gp about a (detail removed by moderator) injury was really nervous about her asking about bruising (detail removed by moderator) but she said nothing, makes me think im over-reacting to things?? I dunno,i feel exhausted all the time im not even sure what has happened some days, or why, brain fog makes sense… thats a good way to describe it x

[Liquorice]

Feeling alone again, never realised how isolated i actually am intill he locks me outside and im just sat here with my phone in my hand thinking just call someone you silly cow, but i know i wont, he would go nuts if he opened the door and im not here so ill just wait again. Nice to be able to tell you guys though starting to find a little comfort in this group after all x

[Falling Skys]

Make that call xx you deserve do much more.

FS xx

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Liquorice, when I was with my ex a lot of the time it was a horrible, upsetting environment. The last year it got worse and worse, really upsetting huge dramatic rows. I knew that what was happening was so bad for my well being. In the end due to mind games, probably cheating, lying, all the usual i was really seriously ill. I tried hard to make it work really hard but it takes two and he did nothing. So I had to say to myself we did not have the fundamental basics for a decent future together. I ended it with him, job done. I will admit, after that you go through many difficult times, it is not a bed of roses as soon as you split, it takes time patience and self care to re-train your mind and unhook all of the damage. But I still maintain today that I would never go back to what I had with him despite all of the mental suffering I am having and have had since we split. I will eventually get over this (as you will). I do not want to reach an old age with a man who does not care or respect me. Who makes me feel anxious, unstable, is screwing around, would not love or support me if i were ill. I would rather pay the price now and have the opportunity to live a happy free life once I feel better. X*X

[Confused123]

Hey hUn

Please call the help line and get support for yourself, this isnt a life to be locked out of the house for hours , u need support to help u make a plan of escape

[Diamond]

Only you can make that call …. Easier said than done I am new on here and finding it hard but don’t end up like me I left it to late and now bear the scars the people on here are supportive and u are not alone x*x

[Author]

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