9th December 2015 at 9:26 pm #6014InneedofsomepeaceParticipant
Where have I gone so wrong? It’s only 5:20 and both children are in bed! Purely because I can’t cope. I feel so horrible I have just told by eldest I’m phoning ss and she can go in to care and now I feel horrible she has pushed my buttons so much drawn on the walls talks to me like c**p like he would! Eaten all the chocolate out of her brothers calander she’s not young she’s in (removed by moderator) so should know better to top it of tonight she came out with “what have I done to deserve a mother like you” at which point I flipped and told her she can go In care.
I am such an awful mother I even refused to give them a kiss for hug goodnight! Maybe he is right I can’t cope with them. I don’t know what else to do
9th December 2015 at 10:10 pm #6026LisaMain Moderator
Really sorry to hear that you are having such a bad day. It sounds like you have a lot going on and your children are causing you to feel stressed, which is normal. However, have you ever spoken to a professional about how you are feeling? Someone might be able to offer you some support. I would suggest calling the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. They have trained specialists who will be able to offer you emotional support as well as information of what services are out there to support you in what you are going through.
Try not to let everything get on top of you too much. Everyone has days when they feel like it is all getting too much Just take some time for yourself and try and wind down from the day. Children sometimes say very hurtful things, try and remember that just because they say them doesn’t mean that it’s how they really feel.
Keep posting on here too. We’re all here to support you.
10th December 2015 at 10:37 am #6028Twisted SisterParticipant
i think there’s a world of difference betweeen being an awful mother and being a mother under huge dis/stress sometimes saying awful things?
You being so upset with yourself over this, shows remorse for having done things differently from how you’d have wanted to be toward them, and feeling bad for retaliating, when sometimes its only human to!
Its hard enough to raise kids and teens but when you’ve all been through such an awful experience you’re all trying to recover aswell, and work through some of the most difficult stuff.
Once your exhaustion/frustration/upset calms after a night’s sleep i’m sure you will feel differently and ready to plan something nice to all do together to put just a bad night behind you maybe?
…and kids/teens are renowned for saying the most hurtful and painful of things to their mums, especially the one’s they feel safe enough to say it to!
take care of you too. Warmest wishes KS
10th December 2015 at 10:50 am #6034lover of no contactParticipant
So glad you’ve reached out for support and you’re not trying to cope on your own. It really is too much for us to cope with (abuse and its aftermath) on our own, and dealing with our children having been affected too. I wish I could too (in the dealings with my children), be easier on myself, to let myself be ‘human’ and (not to beat myself up) for lashing out at times (reacting).
We’re not saints! Well, we probably nearly are, putting up with all those psychopaths and narcissists (our abusers)lol.
Your children are only human too and will lash out and be irritable at ‘the parent they feel safe with’. This situation will pass. The main thing is you reached out immediately to us. You’re a great mother, you’re doing an incredible job of coping with your own healing after the abuse you’ve been subjected to. None of us get it right all the time (I find that hard to accept coz I want to handle all situations perfectly all the time).
We’ve allowed everyone around us ‘rant and rave’ while we put up with it, a little rant and rave from us every now and then is ok too. I say to myself now, I’m allowed one mistake a day!!!
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