U are out of the situation the more u see the real evil in them the liar. The persuader the headworker and so on. And especially coming on this forum reading other posts makes u realise yeh these monsters are all the same cos that’s what they are monsters…..x
Yes, this is the double-edged sword that is no contact. Only by being away from them does it become clear who they really are. You only heal by being away from then, but it’s a painful process too, realising who they really are.
But it’s process that works, however hard it is at first. Because soon enough, the sadness and longing you feel for them, the disbelief that they can really be that bad, the hurt, the yearning for them to change and love you and your children- it replaced with a realisation of their ugly manipulativeness, complete selfishness, shallowness and lack of humanity/ abd honestly, you stop thinking of them as so important- you see them as weak and vile,and the emotional bonds disappear.
Someone once told me that I would one day feel nothing for him. I didn’t believe it to be true. But it is. I feel no love for him, I have no hope in him and feel no pity. He is a lost cause, evil through and through.
Someone else told me that a lot of people don’t leave their abusers because the severing process is too painful to go through- the pain of parting, the rebuilding of your own identity, etc. But it’s the only way you can survive and live. It’s the only way to freedom. And the good news is, the pain doesn’t last forever. xx