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24th May 2016 at 12:11 pm #17881Bridget Jones Is FreeParticipant
to my child’s mental health assessment, another one, to ascertain if the family therapy is needed to be brought forward or not as there is a long waiting list. In the meantime I am home alone with the kids, days of bliss, everyone is smiling and enjoying themselves, my child included, the sun is shining and he has had some wonderful moments so far.
I brought a cuppa to him this morning and he smiled like never before, surprisingly he was awake though he was able to stay in bed a bit later (can’t say why for safety) and he kissed me and was cuddly and really smiled, I mean a beautiful smile of utter joy knowing he is going to have something he has wanted for a long time. For a celebration.
So I attended the mental health assessment on my own and I saw a locum therapist. I told him my son is really happy at the moment. My son didn’t want to come. I can feel in my guts my child is simply wanting some peace and some normality in his life and he has been playing with his appetite. Last night was a typical reaction which I described to the therapist. My other children realised what my child was doing, it is so obvious.
So much for SS wanting me out. They have no clue and the people involved at school sometimes mean well but also don’t see how my child can need that moment of attention and wants to cry and pour his heart out to someone as most of us would in such circumstances, it only takes an event, an argument and whoosh! But I feel they need to stop taking things too seriously, and stop making big decisions when I can clearly see for myself that my child is just having a bad moment, he just needs to express his sadness and his frustration and his lack of belief in the future and they need to see that. He may say certain things but he doesn’t mean it and he even explained to me the other day how his dad reacted to him and how he was surprised to hear him say he would call the ”authorities”…what kind of dad does that? My son explained how surprised he was and that he had no intention of doing anything like commit suicide…!
He looks forward to his new academic year, doing what he set out to do, and having new clothes this summer and enjoying his time off school during the summer. He has plans and desires. He loves my food and makes nice comments, talks to me, went out with me this weekend wanting to be only with me, he spoke and explained how he feels and we had a nice time together. I told him to trust me to do the right thing in the end. He knows I am full of resentment still surging against his dad and I explained why, he knows he can trust me to see if all the solutions I am trying will eventually work or fail. He knows exactly what I am trying to explain to him.
The question is if I divorce, I don’t want my child with his dad who will turn him into a version of himself and teach him the wrong things. I am staying because I am worried about that. If my child said to me mum I will stay and live with you, I would be gone like a flash…
I don’t know how to ask him the question. I just know he loves me. I also know he can see his dad for what he truly is and some of the latest arguments have done his dad no favours…The latest one was over financial abuse and control. My son heard the argument.
My son sees me sorting problems out, finding solutions for every day things and getting really organised, dealing with gusto and determination with all the little things that make life better. His dad doesn’t. His dad pulls his face and sulks. His dad doesn’t smile. His dad doesn’t speak, not really.
If only I knew…if only I could be assured. I would be gone.
The main thing is I am back from the refuge and I am keeping a good eye on everything. My children know I care. My son was pleased to have me back and told me so, he said he had no one to speak to and no one to care for him…It says it all.
SS had the audacity to say I smother my child, I don’t let him breathe, I follow him everywhere…Really? When they need me they know where to find me, when they judge me as a mother from a report written by a young lady who could be my own daughter, they make a big mistake because none of them know and relate the state of our family to the domestic abuse and violence we have been subjected to. When you haven’t lived it, you should not judge it! (detail removed by Moderator) She saw a totally controlled husband and a crazy wife. She had no experience of sexual abuse, slapping, strangling, knives thrown, alcoholism, taping, videoing, emotional abuse, neglect and ignorance…She was the wrong person to base an opinion and goodness knows how she relished blurting out her comments to me, totally out of context and irrelevant, I loved answering her back as to what this had to do with x, y or z, right in front of her more experienced colleague…
I read so many articles about the inefficacy of the communication between agencies…Oh I could tell you so much about the terrible consequences this plays on victims and their children! We are victimised by the perpetrators, looking so controlled yet so manipulative, and we are revictimised by a whole system that fails mothers, wives, teenagers, children, babies, the lot! So many people get involved and so many opinions are formed according to the role of each person, I hear so many comments that follow principles and theories but do not deal with the ultimate situation…ABUSE!
If I knew the answer to my question…I would be gone like a flash and I would shut my door to the terrible moments I have experienced in the hands of SS workers, right down to a (detail removed by Moderator) who wanted me to accept my husband’s apologies and stop going round in circles about the past…I have been strangled (imagine if this was our neighbours or a boss being strangled) but I am the one stagnating in our relationship, I must accept my husband is a different person…Those were her exact words…! I have heard so much rubbish, so many lies, so many judgemental people…I have suffered so much nothing hurts me any more…I am a tower of strength and I am so strong indeed no one can make me fall down any more. The whole system stinks.
I love my child, I love him to death, and no one can tell me I do a bad job as a mother, no one!!!!!
The sun is shining and my son is happy with me. He is doing nice things right now, things that make him happy, he talks to me, he smiles…(detail removed by Moderator)…He knows so much more than her…
24th May 2016 at 11:26 pm #17906White RoseParticipant
I’m glad ypu posted this and you and your son sound relaxed and comfortable together which is so nice to hear.
I too wish agencies would work together and learn to listen and believe what is repeated over and over to them. Social services are the worst and the best- get an uninitiated social worker and you’re the crazy mum from planet zog but get a good one and you’re made!
I hope you slowly build up the strength to leave and that your son has a good couple of months ahead of him x*x
25th May 2016 at 10:16 am #17932AnonymousInactive
Can I just say congratulations. I think you sound like a great mum. We all know how hard it is in these situations. I have found that realising that in the end the fight is down to me and I can’t rely on anyone else has made me really strong.
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