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I hate him. I hate that I ever met him. I hate that he will continue to be a part of my life through our children. I hate that he is unwilling to co-operate and co-parent with me. I hate that he pretends to be a great father when he is in public. I hate that he continues to fool everyone into believing he cares about our children. I hate that he sends me legally worded emails when he accuses me of not thinking of the children because I won’t bend to his every whim. I hate that after protecting our children from him for so long, I can’t protect them from him anymore. I hate the anxiety. I hate that his new girlfriend can’t see him for who he really is. I hate thinking that his abuse towards me and our children was because of something I did; that he won’t do it to another woman because it was a one off. I hate that he seems so happy and successful. I hate the struggle I face everyday to just keep going and stay strong. I hate that he is doing everything in his power to get a reaction from me. I hate that he is all myself and partner talk about because I’m still trying to process how he can behave the way he does. I hate that I have to pretend he isn’t affecting me. I hate that my mind is preoccupied with him. I hate that he wants me to ignore the contact order so he can drag me back to court and play the victim again. I hate how he can do as he pleases with regards to contact, but I must do what the order states or risk being held in contempt. I hate that I ever put his name on the birth certificates of our children. I hate that he has parental responsibility of the two most precious people in my life, and he doesn’t know the true meaning of love, let alone responsibility. I hate that I feel as though I am still living in the shadow of our relationship and I’ll never be truly free from him. I hate constantly worrying that our children will grow up to be like him. I hate that I have to be accommodating towards him whilst he takes the p*ss out of the court order. I hate that he is using our children to get at me, and no one else can see it. I hate feeling like I’m going crazy trying to prove the truth. I hate waiting for him to abuse our children again, because I know he will – it’s just a matter of time. I hate waiting. I want him to leave us alone
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Just wanted to validate your feelings.
It was right for you to post here.
You are entitled to hate him.
Hate him as much as you need. Go to the park and scream your anger out.
What these men do and what the family court does to torture us more is beyond anything a woman should have to bear.
You will be free of him one day. This slavery does not last forever.
Stay strong and fight.
You are not alone. -
It is good that you posted it here and vented.
All those things you hate about your ex, I also hate about mine. It does your head in, doesn’t it?
I think anger is healthier than self-blame. It is righteous anger.
Invest that energy into setting to more boundaries so he can affect you less, and come into contact less.
He might be fooling a lot of people right now, but I am certain he will fall flat on his face one day.
Do t compare yourself to him in terms of he’s hit away with more, etc. You area separate person from him, with your own qualities. You can build a life distant from him, though it will take some clever planning to do so.
Then go and enjoy being you, enjoy your partner, enjoy your life. Who cares what he’s up to. He is a nonentity, a nasty specimen who you need to distance yourself from.
These abusers hurt us so much, and they want us to believe that we will never recover from our liaison with them. Well, we need to prove them wrong. We are stronger, we have more substance than them, we are winners. Their strength is fake. They are only powerful for as long as we continue to believe that they are. The truth is, they are weak and cowardly, and their strength is a front. You are a genuinely strong person- a million times stronger than him x
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Hi there. These are all natural emotions that you are entitled to feel so please let it out. You feel hate but I can see a sense of strength there. Well done to you for standing up to him, taking him to court snd seeing this through especially with children. I find you inspirational. Keep going it will be worth it I promise and you know what let him gloat about his new relationship it’s all false like him. It’s not a loving, real relationship it too will end in tears. Remember who you are doing this all for…you and your children. Well done I am so so proud of you! Xxxx
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Hi Strube
Apart from court order your post could be mine !
I’m Lucky if I see my teens once a month. I can add to this “I hate that he still makes me minimise/excuse his behaviour” I still can’t quite accept his intentions are so damaging I feel myself softening and tempted to extend an olive branch but then I keep trying to remember this empathetic approach always ends up with another proverbial kick in the teeth. I do however feel that i would do well to forgive but need to do it without letting my guard down. The bitter expectation keeps you safe but also keeps you trapped. In my view that is. -
Thank you. Reading all of your responses has got me through a difficult couple of days. I’m feeling much stronger today.
Silky, when my ex starting having contact with our children again, he told me that he loved and missed our children and wanted to be a big part of their lives…saying things that I imagine a real, loving father would say. I’m not ashamed now (I was after it happened) to admit that I softened towards him and genuinely believed what he was saying. I thought he had changed. I was pleased for our children. Sadly, less than a week later he proved it was all lies. I felt sick to my stomach for allowing him to fool me again. It was a tough lesson for me, but I’m glad it happened because it finally opened my eyes to his manipulative ways and I can protect myself better now with that knowledge.
He is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and he underestimates me. I can, and will, play the long game.
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