18th May 2021 at 9:16 pm #126048unsinkableunicornParticipant
this is so horrible . i just need to vent be im sat here in tears
my dad played a really cruel prank on me purely to set off my anxiety – which it did
everyone around me is appalled by his behaviour but social services just don’t believe me so nothing is done
i get home and it’s like i’m invisible
my parents wouldn’t notice if i just didn’t come home
and i don’t get it , my sister is hugged and fussed over and is constantly told that she’s loved and gets to go out with my parents which i crave more than anything but i just get constant abuse
what have i done so wrong
why don’t they love me
i’m so sick of it and i’m so tired and drained of fighting
i really don’t know what to do
my self esteem is so low because i’m constantly being told that i’m fat , ugly , worthless , unlovable etc which absolutely wrecks my chance of recovery from anorexia and depression / self harm
i just give up
18th May 2021 at 10:47 pm #126052ISOPeaceParticipant
unsinkableunicorn, I’m so sorry to hear the awful way you’re being treated. Deliberately triggering your anxiety is so, so cruel. I would be shocked, but sadly from my own experiences, from reading on here and reading book about abuse, I’m not surprised that an abuser would do that. They target weak spots and create them if they can’t find them. I totally agree that it is an appalling thing to do.
It must be so hurtful and confusing that you and your sister are treated differently. I have heard about dysfunctional families having scapegoats. The theory is that the family can only “function” if the nastiness is focussed on one family member, the scapegoat. It’s absolutely not ok and there is no excuse for it. I don’t think you have done anything wrong. I don’t think you are any less deserving of love than your sister. I think you are just the unlucky one. I realise that this is unlikely to stop you feeling so hurt about it, but in time you might find understanding what’s happening helps you feel better. I found learning about abuse helped me take it less personally. It might be helpful to read up on it.
I’m really sad to hear that social services have been so unhelpful. My experience is with partner abuse so I haven’t had contact with social services. Have you spoken to your local women’s aid and/or the national domestic abuse helpline? There may also be support groups near you and counselling services for young adults. Please do reach out. You have been really brave in posting on here. There is support out there. Unfortunately some services fall short but do try others. Sending lots of love xxxx
19th May 2021 at 1:22 am #126053[email protected]Participant
im no expert but it sounds like one or both of your parents could be narcissistic? as above it sounds like your the scapegoat and your sister is the golden child. they feel the need to play you off. There are lots of good resources on you tube about this subject. sounds like you need to get out of the situation. do you have other relatives that can support you? this tears away at us its natural but honestly this is not really about you. your not at fault honey xx it is a form of domestic abuse so please reach out as your doing xx take care sending you a big hug x
19th May 2021 at 8:40 am #126058LisaMain Moderator
I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. ISOPeace and [email protected] have given really good advice here.
It’s not ok for your dad to purposely make you feel anxious, you have a lot to cope with at home and it must be really difficult for you. It’s disappointing to hear that social services don’t believe you, you could get in touch with your local domestic abuse service which you can find here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ They may be able to speak to social services for you and help to make sure they take this seriously.
Please don’t give up. You could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm
every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here:
Take care and please keep posting,
19th May 2021 at 11:14 am #126061gettingtiredParticipant
What a terrible time you’re having. It’s very common for narcissists to select their ‘golden child’, my Father did the same. It’s very cruel and it does create a sense of resentment towards the child who is being treated wonderfully by the narc parent. It also damages your self-esteem. Perhaps some counselling would help you, it’s absolutely not your fault that your parents are treating you this way.
You will probably really relate to Dr Ramani’s videos on YouTube, there are some she posts that are related to familial abuse.
Keep using the forum as it really does help to speak to others who truly understand and are going through similar experiences x
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