I hate myself

[Sunshines]

Today I was walking past a mirror and I looked at myself and I’ve never felt so ugly over weight and unrecognisable.
I hate who I have become I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’ve lost my identity completely. I can’t bare to take any pictures with my kids and even people are commenting on how bad I look lately. Obviously they don’t know I was getting pumped with abuse daily.
I used to dress up and do my hair. Now I couldn’t care less how I looked it’s a shame. Did anyone else find this ? Please let me know xx

[nbumblebee]

Hey beautiful lady yes is the answer yes I feel this way too.
Im actually just owning up to having a lroblem with eating and its not about image for me Im trying to make myself so small in body in not talking out in just being in the background making myself small so Im not noticed so Im not hurt anymore.
I hate myself too I hate what ive aloowed to happen what is still happening as im still here.
We are told so many times how ugly how fat/thin useless we are we have that deummed into us day in day out its no wonder you still feel this way.
I think talking helps seeing and believing that none of this was your fault that youbwere never ever to blame and that you deserve now to feel good about yourself. Get the inside you feeling good first then worry about the outside sweetie.
Im not sure if you have left or are still there but try and Do something nice for yourself just something small maybe buy a new lipstick or perfume or have an hour reading a book chilling, something you enjoy thats just for you, remind yourself of all the hurt you have been through thats gonna take time to heal from but you will one day you will. Talk these feelings through write them down get them out its the only way you will heal from them. You are certainly not alone in this sweetie sending you big hugs x*x

[Hawthorn]

As the others have said you are certainly not alone in feeling like this.

I went from always changing my hairstyle, loving clothes and fashion and feeling really good about my appearance to barely being able to shower and brush my teeth in the morning. Bed was something to crept into with no nighttime routine; no tooth brushing, no hair removal no lotions and potions for my skin. Anything I did as regards personal care he took to mean I wanted sex. And by the end I really really didn’t. I starved myself, just wanted to disappear. I would catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and not recognise the person looking back; who was that gaunt, haunted looking woman?

I’ve been free for some time now and I look like myself again. I stand tall, I look 10 years younger, and I know I look good- because I feel good. I eat well and care for myself, because I am worth it, and there’s no one in my life now who tells me otherwise- I’ve made sure of that.

You are worth caring for. Destroying our self esteem is how abusers keep us trapped. Try to do something nice for yourself every day, self care is not selfish, it’s essential. Doesn’t have to be anything big, even taking 5mins with a cuppa to watch the birds, or painting your toe nails. Something nice for you. You deserve it and you are worth it. Better is out there for you.xx

[Sunshines]

I had some time today so I used it on myself doing some of the things I’ve always done. I can’t believe how much I’ve changed the weight the hair I don’t wear make up at all when I wore it every single day. My hair is put up scruffily and I don’t care for the hairdressers I seen this quote on DV page and it is literally describing what happens to us “Today I wore a faded pair of old Jeans and a plain baggy grey T-shirt ……I haven’t taken a shower or put an ounce of make up on. I grabbed a worn out old black oversized jacket … to cover myself with even though it’s warm
Outside I have made conscious decisions lately to look like less of what I felt like a male would want to see. I want to disappear. Sierra D Waters

That quote did it for me it explains how you become so uninterested in how you look it’s like you put on a repellent.

Thank you for all your kind words
I can’t wait for the day I’m back to my old self I absolutely fantasise about the old me. Even walking down the street with a coffee or sitting in a park. Just the feeling of being the old me which I know will take it’s time to get back to

But I’m going to document the journey ! X*x

[nbumblebee]

That is certainly a powerful quote.
Im glad you had some time for you today maybe try a little something everyday.
You will find you again shes there waiting to come out again just keep believeing sweetie. X

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