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    • #9953
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      i am finding the no contact so hard, because i feel like i have so many questions, i know that i will never get closure and i know no matter how many times i ring him to ask him why he is being so nasty to me , he will just blame me. but all week i have continued to dream that i am contacting him in my sleep and then when i wake up i am relieved that i didn’t actually contact him. i just keep telling myself i can do this , i am not under his toxic spell anymore. the last thing he said to me was that i am making it up about all the abuse, then i sent him this long email trying to defend myself but again he twisted it and that i am giving him abuse for reminding him of what his actually done to me . then i question my own behaviour ..

    • #9962
      Inneedofsomepeace
      Participant

      Cutiesunshine

      I so wish they would give us answers. But in there warped world they haven’t done anything wrong. My ex is in prison and still believes he has i doing nothing wrong. They will always blame us tell us we’re the crazy one because even after we have left they need to try and regain there power.

      You are doing so well no contact is so hard. Don’t beat yourself up for emailing It’s only natural to want answers. Look after yourself and keep posting. Xx

    • #9963
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi CS

      I would love him to tell me why he did, but in his eyes he has done no wrong, its all my fault and he’s the victim.

      As INOSP said don’t beat yourself up for emailing as you want closure, but you will find that within yourself not through him.

      Good luck and keep posting

      FS xx

    • #9983
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hun

      Asking them why they did it is waste of time , they won’t give us answer as they don’t see it as wrong , stick to no contact and no need to reply to his email or ask why his been rude , focus on not communicating with him , closure will come from no contact and counselling

    • #9993
      martian29
      Participant

      Hi Cutiesunshine, an abuser will never take responsibility for their behaviour, will never admit they were wrong and will always twist everything round to make you the one at fault. We as normal loving caring individuals want to understand why they did what they did. We long for them to admit they were wrong and apologise so that we can put it in our past, get closure and move on with our life. Sadly, they will never give us the closure we want. However much you try to talk to him you have to accept he will not give you any closure. He will more than likely upset you more and make you feel even worse.

      Releasing your emotions and venting on here I find helps more than looking for answers from him XX

    • #10013
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      Thank you for the replies. I woke up being sick again this morning. The stress and anxiety is so bad. He said his going to take me to court and destroy me but I don’t see how any judge will let him see his child after what his done to me. I don’t trust him to take care of him and he smokes cannabis 24/7 which I blame for making him more violent. I guess I have to prove this in court. It’s just a waiting game. It is so hard keeping strong

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