I have been really stupid

[Tuppance]

Hi
I have been really stupid. I left my counselling session feeling really empowered and I went a got a tattoo ( only small ) to commemorate my children. I wanted one to remind me of my baby who died but thought that was unfair on my other two so I got the tree of life done with each three initials. It is so pretty. But I didn’t tell him and my friend I told had a bit of a go for not asking him before I did it but I just did it off the cuff and it felt great not to ask permission or to be talked out of it but now of course I have to tell him and because he is really insecure since I said I wanted to seperate because of his behaviour I know he is going to react badly. Deep down I know it is my body but he likes to control and so this is not going to go down well. I am so pleased with it but now I wish I hadn’t done it because I should have spoken to him. I wish I hadn’t even started all this separation business as he looks so hurt all the time and yet, although his behaviour is better at the moment, he still keeps tabs on me, what I am doing, what was said at counselling, is there anything he needs to know. I walked on eggshells before, so as to keep him happy and now it is ten times worse. My situation is nothing compared to so many of you so I am sorry to moan. I just want to live a normal balanced life – not to be subjected to his control, criticism , anger, spite, drinking, disdain. Feeling really low .

[Anonymous]

Hi Tuppance, I am not sure what to suggest for fear of making things worse but please do not feel that everyone elses situation is worse. We all have different things to put up with and you have every right to post about what is happening in your life as we all do. It sounds like you are right to separate it does not sound like a good relationship to be in if he is all the things you describe. Remember they all do the lost puppy thing when things are not going their way, it is to make you feel sorry for him and to get you to give in and stop the separation. I hope that he takes it well and that you are not placed in any danger because of this let us know how you get on, sending you hugs xx

[Serenity]

I got a tattoo after he left. He had made me feel old and frumpy and conformist ( to compensate for his immaturity and immorality) and I was dying to do something sparky.

Mine is small, tasteful, and not in an exposed place. It is my mark of delicious freedom, of rebellion.

I personally don’t think you need to ask his permission. After how he was abandoned you at your hours of need, why should you give him so much say?

I wouldn’t be surprised if this is your little act of rebellion. And this is what happens with any totalitarian regime: the oppressed end up retaliating!

I don’t know If a controlling person finds it possible to become non-controlling. In my experience, no. X

[Ayanna]

Good for you that you did what you wanted to do! If he threatens you call the police on him!

[Author]

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