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Hi ladies. I have some really positive news. I’m completely free of him now legally 😊. Since I got the news I’ve been up and down and I realised yesterday that what I’ve done is threaten what he views as his ‘superior existence’, I have rejected him and this by far is the worst way in which I could have rejected him so I need to keep my wits about me and make sure I’m safe as it’s not a safe time. I felt really upset because I felt that freedom maybe there but how can I ever be completely free? But I have to try and deal with that and put measures in place to keep me safe as I refuse to live a life of fear.
I have to now continue on this journey of finding myself as I will never be the same woman I was before I met him none of us will be. What we have experienced is traumatic, it’s eye opening and life changing. We should not put pressure on ourselves to be that person again because it just will not happen. We have to continue to take each day as it comes and just go with how we feel. I promise you things will get better I want to be able to post on here one day and tell you I’ve moved out of my parents house after moving back because I left my ex husband, I’ve found a wonderful man, I’ve bought a house with him and we are building a beautiful life together!!!! I want to be able to say that I’ve had that happy ending. We do not believe all men are abusers because if we did we wouldn’t have left! We have left because we know we deserve ALOT better.
My parents have spoken about finding me someone else and I’m going to be honest I’m absolutely petrified. I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling like that but luckily they know I’m not ready yet and I will tell them when I’m ready. The time that WA recommend to wait will be approaching but I still feel like I have so much I want to do for myself and I’m not putting myself on a back burner anymore.
I won’t lie I am a strong, independent woman with my own career but I’m so scared of what comes next! I’ve done the hardest thing in my life leaving him and ending our marriage but now I have an empty canvas and I have no idea what my future will be! I know I never expected things to turn out like this and I feel like a part of me died the day I met him as nothing was ever straight forward and the roller coaster ride started pretty early on in our relationship. But, I will never marry that quick again – getting in a relationship is not anything I want to do anytime soon but deep down in my heart I know that I want a life partner. It’s something that will inevitably happen and I’m a very good catch why should I stay single forever? I deserve a king who will treat me like a queen. I’m a free woman and I just can’t get my head around it. I slept for hours earlier and I’ve got plans for tomorrow. I can’t see any friends because I need to process it all. I feel like my mind, my body and my heart are absolutely exhausted by having to fight him but I don’t have to do that anymore. I don’t feel like I’ve won or that I can celebrate yet I just feel quite empty, drained and tranquil. It seems to be good to be true but it really is true. I’m proud of myself! X*x
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Hi Positive,
So glad you feel so happy and free.
One thing so hope for you is that you will have a clear idea of who you are, what’s important to you, and that you never compromise that for anyone else again. That even if you are with someone, that you won’t be expected or asked to change or to sacrifice your important ideals- and that you will always hold on to who you are, and that protecting your boundaries will always be the most important thing. I think it’s so important for all of us! X
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