I have escaped but feel trapped

[Phenomenon]

Hi,
This is my first post. I am just slowly coming to realise that my relationship was controlling, coercive and toxic. I have suffered physical and emotional abuse that left me in hospital to which I protected them and said I fell. I have just upped and left my own home which I own, however the person is still living there, contributing nothing of any financial sort. I fled with nothing. I have a disability so my family have helped me get emergency meds. I guess I am just writing because … uh well, I don’t know really. I don’t know who I am anymore. I think I may have over reacted. I dont know if it really was that bad … I’ve lost myself. I’m scared and keep asking to do basic things (like get a drink or use the toilet) or keep over apologising e.g (I’m not coming downstairs, Im so sorry). I have such a huge support network and am so lucky in that respect but I feel so guilty that I left. I feel such shame and grief. Everyone is being so supportive but I’m deeply numb and jumpy and scared. Tell me it gets easier …

Sorry for the essay
Take care everyone x*x Stay safe

[Lisa]

Hi,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. You are going to be feeling mixed emotions- you have been in a situation where you have been heavily controlled and now have to find yourself again and regain your independence. Its important that you are in a safe space where you can recover and process what you have been going through. You are not over reacting- part of domestic abuse is making you doubt yourself, undermining the abuse and abusers do not take responsbility for their behaviour.

I would also encourage you to make contact with your local domestic abuse service. They should be able to offer ongoing support.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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