- This topic has 14 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 4 months ago by
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It’s taken a lot of courage, but have found a way to report! I have emailed the police, I find it easier to write everything down, this way I haven’t had to speak to anyone straight away. Hopefully this way I won’t have to deal with officers that don’t understand, that put me on edge and make me feel like I am a n*****e!!
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Benson that’s a fantastic idea. And I would say the fact that its in writing they will be compelled to act on it and see you are protected. If its not in writing they can say it was never logged, but take copies and if they don’t act on it you can go , go to the Police Commissioner or Ombudsman or whoever the Police are answerable to. Everyone has a boss. Go higher with your concerns in writing. Also MP’s. etc. Well done!
Fear paralyses us. But you’re taking your Power and Control back and taking the action. Keep taking the actions. For you and your lovely little child. They will all add up. You are not letting the fear control you as happens when abused (the helplessness where we can’t do anything).
Keep posting to keep up your strength.
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I feel like suggesting if you know any dads at your child’s crèche or at your workplace that you could put on speed-dial if the need arises. But this is crazy, your local police are probably down the station now feet up, relaxing for the night shift. They are being paid to protect you tonight. This their job. Your abuser has criminal behaviours. Their job is to protect you from criminals. Could you phone your local Police Station before you settle for the night and tell them you are riddled with fear and what could they suggest if your ex makes his presence felt. Put the ball in their court, let them advise you for tonight.
You can’t control their response but at least take the action and phone them again (even if its the station where they were so unhelpful before). Then you know you have done your part for you and your little girl.
Keeping you in my prayers overnight. I remember that fear and it was awful.
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Yes do resend as URGENT. A great idea.
Also just a thought, if your ex has not had too much reaction from you despite his various ‘fear-inducing on purpose’ incidents, he may not know how much fear you are in. So he is just getting his kicks from the thought of you being in fear (thought fuel). This may not be enough for his ‘fuel’ supplies in the long-term so if he’s seeing no face-to-face reactions or no confrontation from you, he may be out tonight using his energy to secure a new source of fuel (a new intimate partner). If he keeps scaring you and he’s getting no visible reaction from you he may go elsewhere to get a new victim. On the predatory prowl. They like to conserve their energy. That’s where he may be tonight.
Most of our abusers have found new intimate partners to abuse. Mine certainly did when he knew he couldn’t hoover me back and I was maintaining no contact.
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I found, and sometimes still find it hard to sleep as every small noise wakes me. I find podcasts and audiobooks invaluable for helping with that. Turned on just loud enough to hear them they provide me with something to focus on when I fall asleep and allow me to block out normal street noises. It’s so quiet that you can’t hear it at all when you leave the bedroom, so you will still hear any noises that you might have to react to. Podcasts, radio and music can all be used in the same way. I went audiobook as I had flatmates and therefore a lot of talking at night, so it seemed best to tune myself into hearing voices at night as soothing. Also I could pick books from my childhood which I knew would not be triggering.
You have done really well sending the email. Hopefully they will step up and provide the support you need to stay safe. Don’t hesitate to call 999 if he shows up though.
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I have had a response to my email! I now recommend if anyone finds it hard to talk about your experiences, emailing is makes things a lot easier. Today had a visit from police, now going to have an alarm again. A very understanding officer came out to see me, what a difference! He is also going to put things in place at my place of work. I am hoping once the alarm is put in place I may be able to sleep a little better. Thanks again for your support, giving me the courage and encouraging me to be persistent.
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Hi Benson, glad you found an understanding officer. Keep his name! If your ex isn’t breaching his restraining order he can live where he likes although it’s easier for police to believe he could be harassing you. I think it’s good evidence of his behaviour. Although not much comfort to you. Mine too moved close to me! He could have moved anywhere in the world. It might be worth re visiting the wording of the court order or going back to court to widen the restrictions? Ring Rights for Women for some advice on that. Do you know if the police have spoken to him? Do you think that would help?
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The restraining order was part of criminal charges, so I can’t get it changed. I think he police will wait to they have enough evidence until they speak to him as by them speaking to him his behaviour will escalate. I can’t believe that officers who are in the same force can be so different! I am definitely going to sleep better tonight knowing I have an alarm. Thanks again for your support
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