3rd January 2019 at 9:34 pm #69867JustkeepswimmingParticipant
I have now left my partner.
I am all over the place. I did not plan to leave him so soon but social services phoned and strongly suggested I go to the police and leave him asap with help of the police. I am annoyed with social services because they gave me the wrong information saying the police could put in non-molestation orders and go to his work place to tell him he can’t go home. When I went to the police they said they can’t do any of those things! But the officer I spoke to was really helpful. My partner’s abuse isn’t enough for them to do much. But they also advised I leave ASAP and to call if I felt in danger. One of the things he’s done they confirmed they can pursue on charges of assault and I need to think whether to pursue that or not. I just don’t think I will succeed due to lack of evidence.
With both social services and police telling me to leave I felt my hands are tied. I’m so scared social services will blame for failing to protect my daughter I’ll do whatever they say but I have heard so much about them making life harder for the DV victim.
I know leaving was the right thing. He has started to scare me for the first time the past few weeks. I am 90% sure he will become violent to me if I stayed. I just worry his behaviour isn’t bad enough to stop him from having unsupervised contact with our daughter. Social services reassured the way he’s been behaving he probably won’t be allowed contact (yelling at her, threatening to harm her, stopping me from comforting her when she’s scared her, ignoring her). But after all the wrong info they gave me about police I really don’t trust them. And how do I prove any of it? I’m so scared he’ll get unsupervised access to her and then I won’t know if he’s being abusive and can’t protect her.
I am going to get a solicitor ASAP and legal advice. I don’t want him to have access to her (or me) unless i have to so he will most likely apply to the family courts and we’ll go from there.
I know I’m done with the relationship. I have tried and tried and he has just got worse. I just have to minimise the impact on my daughter who unfortunately can’t decide to be done with him – but she loves him unconditionally. She’s very young so she doesn’t understand. That makes it harder. Feel I’ve taken her away from her dad and know she will miss him.
Thanks for reading. Anyone been in a similar situation have advice?
3rd January 2019 at 11:19 pm #69874IwantmebackParticipant
Hi Justkeepswimming, well done on leaving you’re ex💜 the police can get a non mol order but it takes time to get one organised. Women’s aid are great, they have their own solicitors who specialise in DA and with 2 statements of abuse and a letter from your doctor which states your partner had been detrimental to your health, they can get you one. On that note have you spoken to your doctor? They are there for our mental health as much as our physical health too💜
Let all and sundry know just how much he scares you and that you feel your child won’t be safe around them, get it noted, once it is noted, IF anything were to go wrong, you have made you’re concerns known and they then have a duty of care to your child and you. There’s another legal road too, it’s called rights for women, they are hard to get through to but I’ve read many people recommend them to others esp those with children.
Good luck, you’re out, now it’s time to get him out of your life for good. No contact is recommended, remember it’s not up to you to organise your life around him now either. If he harasses you for access tell him to organise it through his solicitor. Don’t get in to anything via phonecalls or texts, if you do it could jeopardise any future help from the police. He gets 2 warnings to leave you alone via text, if he doesn’t listen contact the police, who will then set the legalities in motion but it’s imperative not to get into anything as it’ll be seen as you being in contact with him.
Again good luck, keep posting and reading others posts, information is power, and you’ll gain the strength from us to fight him every step of the way.
4th January 2019 at 10:01 am #69901LisaMain Moderator
Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear you were given the wrong advice by social services. I just wanted to clarify that the police can’t get injunctions in place for women, the police have the power to issue a Domestic Violence Protection Notice which could mean the perpetrator is not allowed to return for up to 28 days but this is slightly different to an injunction like a non molestation order. To get a non molestation order you would need to contact either DV Assist or the NCDV these are organisations who help women get emergency injunctions.
If you are in touch with your local domestic abuse support service they sometimes work alongside local solicitors who attend drop ins or have appointments to give women some initial free legal advice. This might be a good place to start when looking for a local solicitor to offer you advice around child contact.
Take care and keep posting
4th January 2019 at 11:29 am #69906KIP.Participant
I would advise to pursue the assault charges through the police. Let them decide if there’s enough evidence. It will help with a non molestation order or an exclusion order that can have him removed from the home allowing you and your daughter to stay there safely. Speak to a Rights for Women who offer free legal advice over the phone. You have done the right thing in asking for help. Unfortunately sometimes we are given the wrong advice. I had to keep asking and asking until I was satisfied. Victim Support are a good source of assistance too.
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