12th July 2021 at 8:14 pm #128704
I’m lost and feel so desperate. My daughter and I fled domestic abuse, multiple agencies involved, life or death situation. My daughter and I now live in hiding.
He’s having supervised contact in a contact centre and she is utterly traumatised, the supervisors are not writing down when she is saying she is scared.
She is terrified of him, she screams, shouts, shakes and cries and cries and cries. HE subjected her to abuse also.
What can I do, Children’s services won’t help us, the police will not help us, i’m lost, i’m scared for her and her future – he is a complete monster.
13th July 2021 at 12:17 pm #128723LottieblueParticipant
Oh my Goodness this is so awful. I just wanted to give you some support – I know that someone who can give you concrete advice will be along soon to do so. Don’t worry, hold on, there are lots of very wise people on here who will be able to help. So sorry I’m not one of them x*x
13th July 2021 at 2:42 pm #128726marmotParticipant
What an awful situation. OK, practical thoughts. Reading between the lines, it looks like you have multiple agencies involved and either a court order for contact or contact arranged through social services. If you have concerns then if you have a social worker speak to them. If you have been to court about contact then raise your worries with your solicitor. The contact centre staff are there to ensure that children are safe during contact, they would not allow abusive behaviour to children to occur, they will note anything they see as worrying. If they do see something of concern they will report it to your social worker or whoever is doing a report for court. You can always chat things through with a Womens Aid advisor on Live chat as well. Sorry things are so traumatic at the moment.
13th July 2021 at 4:50 pm #128732ladiesand gentlemenParticipant
This is a HORRIFIC, do whatever you have to to keep her safe, could you record her when she cries and screams, maybe this will add some weight to your case. OR at home when she speaks freely to you.
Do you have any family or friends who could offer support(maybe a complete break from him)tell your GP,her school, health visitor, anyone who can help and support.
Women’s Aid are fantastic, ask for help one to one.
Sending a HUGE virtual hug for you both
Take care x*x
13th July 2021 at 8:19 pm #128737WaterspriteParticipant
Hello – I’m so sorry you are both going through this – it’s totally wrong that services are not putting your children’s wishes and feelings first. We fled in exactly the same way as you…
The same type of monster….. I want to send you such heartfelt warmth you’ve done amazing getting her away you are a very brave woman and whilst it is utterly wrong what is happening at least she is physically safe at the centre and you have done that by getting away. So remember how far you have come and how much you have done to protect her.
You need to engage other areas of support for yourself and your daughter
Talk to school if she’s that age your GP and women’s aid.get everything written down take notes.
I would definitely make contact with children’s social services again tell them you have safeguarding concerns Say that this is affecting her emotional well-being and therefore presents a risk to her now and in the future.
If no joy I would talk to NSPCC. Make notes times dates what she says how she presents. Trust your gut.
Look after your well-being too take a moment where you can to have 5 minutes and do whatever you can to relax . Keep posting – you are not alone x*x
16th July 2021 at 6:10 am #128891unityParticipant
Feel for you. There seems to be a real reluctance for professional services to actually acknowledge domestic abuse. I mean I remember my ex scoffing to me once when I said he was abusive he said what he did wasn’t abuse, abuse is rocking up to hospital black and blue. I wonder if many professionals see it like that too.
26th July 2021 at 7:42 pm #129285
I really don’t know what to do.. If I call children’s services they will then get in touch with the contact centre and say what local authority they are calling from. I don’t trust anyone with our address. Only my solicitor has my address.
I’m so scared. He’s been found guilty of perpetrating domestic abuse and child abuse. We’re just waiting for a section 7 to be ordered at the moment. Really hope the social worker sees through him.
26th July 2021 at 10:21 pm #129292KIP.Participant
Contact your local women’s aid for support. Perhaps a non molestation order for you both? WA should have more knowledge a d support for you going through this nightmare x there’s also the national domestic abuse helpline x
27th July 2021 at 1:01 pm #129319
I already have a non molestation order, it was extended also at the last court hearing.. But it won’t get extended again. After its expired, that will be it 🙁
27th July 2021 at 6:33 pm #129330KIP.Participant
How do you know it won’t be extended? You can argue that it’s all that is keeping you safe and it’s worked so far. I’d get a second opinion. Children’s services should have your safety as a priority. Any communication should be kept to a minimum to protect you. Do you have support from your local women’s aid? Rights for Women have a free legal helpline too. Don’t give up and try not to worry about what might happen. That uses precious energy. Only deal with things that present themselves to you x
27th July 2021 at 9:18 pm #129334WaterspriteParticipant
I would imagine the section 7 will want to see children’s services records anyway and any conviction will add weight to the case. All you can do is keep doing what you are doing providing a calm safe space for you and your daughter to heal and make new memories and get support for yourself and her. Sometimes I’ve worried so much and the thing hasn’t happened but they instil so much fear in us it’s not surprising. Remember how far you have come! PS I got a non mol extended x
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