I just don't know what to do – I feel broken

[Lostinmymind]

(Detail removed by Moderator) I walked out of my house with my daughter and I have no idea what to do.

After a night out with work, I had (Detail removed by Moderator) days of my partner being very hostile to me. Every time I talked to him he told me to f**k off, if my daughter was there he did it in front of her.

I took her out until her bedtime both days to try and give him a chance to calm down before we talked and so that it wouldn’t be in front of her.

On the (Detail removed by Moderator) after putting her to bed I tried to talk to him and he immediately started shouting at me. He accused me of being on drugs, accused my work colleagues of being a bad influence and forcing me to stay out, that I had to quit my job else he’d go in (Detail removed by Moderator) and punch the first person he saw. I told him repeatedly that I had done nothing wrong, that of course I wasn’t on drugs and that doing something so needlessly aggressive wasn’t going to solve anything. He said he’d never babysit for me again which is when I started shouting back. He is her father, that’s not babysitting it’s parenting. Since she was born (Detail removed by Moderator) years ago I have been out (Detail removed by Moderator) times and (Detail removed by Moderator) of those were work nights out (Detail removed by Moderator) he told me to leave, I said I pay for this house and he could leave and he said no and called me a (Detail removed by Moderator) so I said fine, I’ll go. Whenever he has threatened to leave me before I have begged him to stay in tears.

I packed as much as I could in a rush and put it in the car. I came back in for my daughter and with her in my arms he followed me round the house calling me (Detail removed by Moderator).

I drove to a friend’s and cried the whole night. When I woke up the next day he had rung both my parents and told them that I was doing drugs (Detail removed by Moderator).

That week I just felt like I’d had enough. I thought of everything’s he’d done to me and the way he’s been treating me. Sometimes I feel sure that it’s emotional abuse and other times I feel so unsure.

We have been together for (Detail removed by Moderator) years. He is always ignoring me, or not listening properly to me and telling me I’m stupid for have such an opinion before I even finish what I’m saying. He expects me to drive him everywhere he wants to go whenever he needs it so I can’t ever make plans to do anything. If my friends ask me to do something he doesn’t want to do we don’t do it. He tells me constantly that my period is no excuse for mood swings, neither was having a baby. He holds things against me that I haven’t even done, calls me a s**g when I’ve never cheated on him and don’t even look at other men, or dress in anyway provactivly. He always snaps at me and takes his bad mood at other people out on me. I can count on one hand how many times he has given our daughter a bath or put her to bed. When she was just born whenever he had her for more than half an hour he would give her back, he could have showers and naps, go to see his friends whenever he like but I couldn’t. If I try to call him out on anything he just denies it and says I’m crazy.

Is this abuse or just a disfunctional relationship? I feel like I have allowed this to happen. Since I left, he has gone from being angry and irrational, to texting me every day saying he loves me and that he’ll change, that we just need to talk and we can sort this out.

Some days I think i am ripping my family apart and I should give him another chnace, and other days I think that I just can’t walk back into a relationship that makes me feel so worthless. I have no idea what to do. Is it abuse? Or have I never given him the chance to stop because I haven’t been clear enough with him?

I feel so weak and lost…what do I do?

There is so much more that I could say but I don’t know where to begin.

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Lostinmymind

He really doesn’t know you, he doesn’t see who you are. From what you say he is projecting his own insecurities onto you.I really hope you feel better for having let all that out and welcome to you, I hope it helps to have posted

You have tried and tried to listen, understand and make sense of him, and you don’t deserve the way he is treating you,but now that you’ve done the thing he thought you wouldn’t,he’s now changed tack and is trying to hoover you back.

You left with good reason ad I hope you can stick to your guns, and ignore his appeals for her more of your understanding and forgiveness. It’s all wrong only getting out less than a handul of times in (Detail removed by Moderator) years! How dare he try to wreck your job! Just everything is so vile and abusive.

You and your little girl stick together and keep him away. It’s your house, get an order to remove him (occupation order).

Your and yyour daughter need a home, without him.

I’m glad you were able to post and I hope you are OK tonight. Do keep posting if you can and we’ll help all we can.

Warmest wishes ts

[Twisted Sister]

I just want to challenge that you are rippingte amily apart,no, he’s done that. You acted to make this stop, he’s been ripping it all apart until you put an end to it.

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