This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Iwantmeback 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #70288
     she-ra 
    Participant

    Hello ladies,

    So after years of asking him to leave he finally is and I don’t know what’s wrong with me I just feel so sad, like I want to cry all the time. I really don’t know why I feel like this. It’s what I’ve wanted for so long to just be safe and have peace and not live like this anymore so why do I feel so sad? He is buying his own home and it’s all going through now so he will move in the next few months, his family have started telling everyone we’re separating, not the real reason why due to his violence but just that I don’t want to be with him anymore and I’m making him leave. I haven’t told a sole except my mum and dad. I was going to wait until he’d really gone before I start telling people. I just feel empty and sad, I really thought I’d feel jubilant and relieved. What is wrong with me? X*x

  • #70299
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi she-ra, it’s good to hear from you again 💜
    it could be because it’s finally hitting home that your relationship is ending. There were good times as was the promise of a future together is lost also. The end of a relationship is like a death. You have the same emotions you go through. As to what his family are saying, bide your time. People who know you and you trust enough to talk to, they’ll know the truth.
    It’s wasted energy trying to stop his family saying what they’re saying. They’re only fooling themselves at the end of the day. Once he’s totally out of your life you can tell whoever you want, whatever you want. Your words will come💜💜
    Sending strength fir the coming months to you.
    IWMB 💕💕

  • #70300
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hi, have you thought of getting him to leave now. He can move in with his family until his new place is ready. Floundering made my emotions much worse but when I took back control, I felt much better. Also, while he’s around you he will make sure you suffer. Especially as his leaving date approaches. It’s a sad, confusing time but grieving for the relationship while he’s reminding you of it is very difficult. You’re absolutely doing the right thing. You’re allowed to be sad. Also, keeping a secret like abuse is extremely damaging for,our mental health. He will be spreading all sorts of,lies to cover his behaviour but you know the truth, you lived through it. Concentrate on yourself and getting him physically removed ASAP x it will get better once the gaslighting and brainwashing subside x zero contact is the best way forward

  • #70336
     she-ra 
    Participant

    You’re so right ladies, I do feel like I’m grieving as such it’s horrible. I feel so bad to the children that I haven’t given the perfect family they deserved. Why couldn’t he just be a nice person? why couldn’t he just be civil? I feel like I’m letting everyone down and it’s sll my fault, my family, his family. It all seems to be a bit calmer now, I guess that’s what makes me have so many what ifs. I did think to myself maybe I should suggest counselling again, maybe if he did the freedom programme it might get better, why can’t we just be a normal loving family. I think it’s making me feel like I shouldn’t be giving up I should be trying harder. I can hear how ridiculous this sounds and I know I’m just being stupid, I feel like my emotions are letting me down and are against me, so silly, I need to be strong for my babies. It doesn’t matter about how I feel I have got to do what is right for them. Thank you do much ladies, it means so much you reply. Xx

  • #70342
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    She-ra, you are a warrior queen, looking out for your babies. Let the FOG lift, you are doing immensely well, it would be so easy to give him another chance but you know deep in your heart he will never change. Also mo charaid,(my friend) you have nothing to feel guilty for. He did this, he broke up the family,he’s let everyone down, from the very first instance he chose to abuse you. I don’t remember the type of abuse I put up with before the first time my husband attacked me. But that is the instance my marriage and relationship ended, i just didn’t know it.
    The calmness is the long held in breath being let out, you’re beginning to be able to breathe again, don’t let him suffocate you again. Is there anything you can do to distract you when you’re feeling like this. I hope you’re free of him soon my friend💜💜
    Bet wishes

    IWMB 💕💕

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