I just remembered something after reading another post

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

My husband recently told me I had to prove to him that I love him…
When he said that to me, I felt shocked because I could not believe how a man who strangled me, slapped me and used me to do x sexually would ask his victim to prove that she loves him. And that is the physical abuse, I have also experienced financial, emotional and psychological abuse…
How entitled are these men? The worst part of it all is that he meant it, didn’t he? He meant the content of that question as if I was a bad wife, a bad person, someone who dared to leave him to go and find safety in a refuge…someone who questions his beliefs and actions.
He also said to me quite a while ago that he doesn’t have a ”good wife”…I asked him straight after his affirmation to define for me what a good wife was…He stormed off.
When I think about all those horrible and ludicrous things I heard and saw or experienced, I find it hard to believe I am still here with him, but I am. You just get used to more and more stupidity, more abusive statements and actions or reactions, you become baffled by so much nonsense, I feel ashamed of who I am for not being courageous and for not doing the right thing.
I feel ashamed for not realising I have been a fool for so many years.
How can his parents not see him for who he really is?

[Anabela]

Please dont feel ashamed of yourself. We are hard on ourselves I guess. I judge myself, but I understand and feel for every woman whose stories I read. You have not been a fool. I guess you was hoping things will get better? and even when you loose that hope, it is still hard to leave. What I read from your post, I want to shout: run as fast as you can and don’t look back. Easier said than done I guess. I say that to myself, but I am still here. If you are in a refuge you have been making a very brave steps.
It’s funny how I can relate to every story. There is some pattern of behaviour that i experienced as well. He used to say so often what kind of partner I am. And to myself I would question: What kind of partner are you, but I never said it out loud.
When he spits out his poison, it also seems that he truly believes what he says and truly means it.
And it just doesnt make sense. When he burst of anger, he would seem so justified to himself that it is okay to act like that. it is okay to hit, if you have a reason.
Once he was complaining that I have all that money in my savings account, and he does not get to eat proper food. Or when we moved to a new place and we had an argument about my use of water, he would say: ‘you will pay’ with such an anger as if I had never paid a bill (and I have been paying for everything at that point). And that made me so frustrated. How dare you???? All that time since we moved in together, we were strugling financially, and it made me realise that actually I was the only one struggling, how to stay in jobs and all that. He had everything served at his plate. And it made me feel so lonely. And it was especially painful to admit, that I was wrong, that he is not what I thought he was.

[KIP.]

They feel entitled in their twisted world and so very very insecure?

[Author]

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