I just want to hide from on it all.

[Eggshells]

I’ve had a massive argument with my son and he won’t forgive me for something that I said. I have fought so hard not to loose my adult sons but I’ve mangaged to push them away anyway. At the bottom of it all is guilt. I can’t get rid of the guilt that I stayed in a relationship that’s has damaged them.

I know all the sensible stuff, I didnt know it was abuse, it wasn’t my fault as it wasn’t me that abused them. My head knows all of that but I can’t shake the guilt of not protecting them and I’m still not protecting them now.

My youngest has left home. He knows his father is abusive but he thinks he is immune and he isn’t. His father doesn’t try to manipulate him in the same way that he tries to manipulate his brother but he is still vulnerable; I can see it.

In the meantime, I’ve tried every trick in the book to get my eldest son to be nice to me and yes, it did feel just like being back in an abusive relationship and yes, I did use tactics. I’ve jut made everything worse. I feel like a total S**t of a mother and my son is far too angry with me to forgive me.

[Swan123]

I can’t begin to understand what you must be feeling – my children are still young, but I just wanted to say I’m listening to your upset and wanted to say you are not a ‘S**T of a mother’ – you have done the best you could with every twist and turn at the time. Give your son some time to calm. You’re doing your best xx

[KIP.]

My son sizded with his abusive father and thought he could treat me badly and I would accept it. You do not have to accept abuse from your son. He may think you’ve acted badly but you did everything you did to protect your children under the most horrific circumstances. He may choose not to forgive you but he has absolutely no right to abuse you. It’s simply not acceptable and boundaries sadly have to be drawn here to. I’m estranged from my son mostly. He has to grow up and recognise his and his father’s behaviour are simply unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. While he still has the power to hurt you it’s better you step back. My son too just couldn’t see that his father was manipulating him. Knowing what it feels like all I could do was to tell him and let him work out what’s going on for himself. Meantime you need to build your own strength. Like in the aircraft when they say to get your own oxygen mask on before you can help others. It’s painful to set boundaries but otherwise sadly their entitled attitude will hurt you more x

[Author]

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