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Christmas has been so hard, I know I did the right thing leaving but by god have I cried and cried and hurt for him so badly. I stupidly contacted him wanting to get things of my chest but he just started calling me a serial liar and saying I paint a false picture to others. He doesn’t realize how when he asked me to go to counselling when I was dealing with the way he kept saying he couldn’t stand me, calling me a horrible person why I didn’t want to go just yet. He doesn’t realize that he was the one who threw us away not me, I waited for him to come back or ask to talk, but he never did he just sent me a list of items he wanted to keep of mine from the house.
I don’t know why i’m so heartbroken (detail removed by Moderator) after, it’s like I zoned out for so long and it’s all suddenly hitting.
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Hi Hello There,
Your mind can rationalise and tell you that you definitely did the right thing, and your gut can tell you too, but the trauma of being with that person still exists.
I think it’s important to remind yourself of this: the trauma you experienced had the effect of ‘bonding’ you to him. You don’t miss him because he was so perfect: you are bo fed to him precisely because of the abuse.
It’s Stockholm Syndrome: you’re bonded because you are in shock, he made you feel dependent and made you question your sanity, and it’s hard to rise above all that and break free psychologically.
Christmas is a massively triggering time. I’m not scared to admit that I hate it.
(detail removed by Moderator) is not long at all. It will take longer to heal. Are you getting any support- counselling, etc? Your recent contact with him has shown you how futile and damaging any contact with him is. No
Contact is the only way forward- and getting yourself the local support you need.Here’s to a 2017 where you can reach out for the help you need, heal and grow stronger.
Don’t punish yourself for feeling sad or weak. It’s ok to not feel ok. You e been through a horrible relationship, and you’re bound to feel down. Better to admit it and get the kind support you need than deny your true hurt and never deal with it.
Hugs X
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I combated the heartbroken feeling by coming to the realisation that my ex didnt simply throw us away. There was never a us in the first place his selfish and violent behaviour suited him. It was all about him and what he wanted. Therefore, I was holding onto something that didnt exists in his mind. I had to bite the bullet and realise that I was the one who decided to end the torture. As you too are a strong person who ended the relationship by not returning for (detail removed by Moderator) months and well done you. My friend simply put it like this. “Whilst we sit and cry over our exes imagine them drinking a beer enjoying themselves and having a good laugh. They are not hurting or heartbroken and eventually you will too not be hurting or heartbroken. Betrayed, yes! But not heartbroken.” I left my ex a while ago and im glad i never looked back now at the time it was difficult and I missed him. But now I would hate to see his smug face in my home. X -
HI
Its ok to miss him, we all went through this stage, its cause we got used to them around us and we did love them , it was the treatment that was wrong, just keep reminding yourself daily why u left , we have to walk away from this bad behaviour otherwise it gives them permission to continue, cry it out if u have to thats ok too. Everytime i miss ex ihave to be told and reminded why i walk away and get told i cant ask about him or contact him, u will be ok, this is just set of feelings we have to go through
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Take care of yourself.
When you break up with someone you are grieving. It’s that serious.
Also. You aren’t a serial liar. He knows that bothers you. That’s all. I know you want to prove that to him but he won’t listen.
Don’t believe him.
X*x
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