I know it’s abuse but he doesn’t see it :(

[Fl0w3r]

So (detail removed by moderator) we had his friend round for a bbq and some beers. He drank a fair bit. The kids were in garden and I was literally non stop filling the paddling pool and getting food organised. (detail removed by moderator). He’d turned the games console off (which we use for all our tv like Netflix).

(detail removed by moderator). Of course being a computer this has basically wrecked the thing and now we can’t turn it on. I said (detail removed by moderator)

He proceeded to rant and shout (detail removed by moderator). I said (detail removed by moderator)(he’s very into gaming and loves his computer dearly and spends way too long on it).

Well that sent him raging. He called us all f-ing idiots and me specifically a p***k. Then when I said stop swearing he just shouted repeatedly Shut the f up, shut the f up, shut up, shut up.

I knew he was cross but I felt he was being unreasonable so I persisted. He said basically I shouldn’t undermine him (detail removed by moderator) He threatened that (detail removed by moderator) he’ll smash it to pieces. (detail removed by moderator)

(detail removed by moderator)

All this in front of the kids. And not for the first time.

Feeling worn out and fed up and I know this behaviour is toxic. I don’t know if I have the strength to di anything about it. I do love him but I really don’t like him most of the time.

He loves the kids but is a terrible role model.

[diymum@1]

thats double standard and thats a hall mark of abuse, get some advice from womens aid its undermining you as your kids mum – his behaviour really stinks dosent it. the problem id the kids do model themselves (not always) but more then not on them and there behaviour when its directed at you from your kids thats a different ball game altogether x*x really hurts and very hard to reverse xx

[Fl0w3r]

Thanks @diymum. It does. The kids hate it when he shouts and swears like that. The youngest in particular gets upset. Then I feel I’m having to shrug it off and not be upset while still making the point that it’s unacceptable to talk to people that way, and not annoy him more and add fuel to the flames so to speak. Exhausted.

[diymum@1]

if you order when dad hurts mum on amazon this is a good book when your right in the middle of this. it explains how to make kids more aware of what is acceptable behaviour and whats not xx no wonder it is very exhausting and so uncalled for – b****y men xx love diymum

[KIP.]

He absolutely knows he is being abusive because if he didn’t he would behave this way all the time and in front of witnesses. He chooses to abuse you. He gets his kicks from abusing you. Abuse always gets worse. Have you read about trauma bonding? Don’t confuse love with trauma bonding. Love does not hurt us. Children learn from their parents. Learn behaviour and what is acceptable to put up with. Coming from an abusive household impacts on their choice in relationships as adults and that kind of abuse in front of children is classed as child abuse. Try to contact women’s aid for help. His behaviour is not acceptable x ring the helpline number on here for a chat x

[fizzylem]

It’s tearful reading you and your children have experienced this; it’s dreadful. You and your children need protecting. Call the helpline. You need to act, the children are suffering. It’s not ok x

[Flowerchild]

Darling, if you can see it, that’s all that’s required. He never will!

You don’t need his recognition of his problem and you don’t need his permission to end things.

He would always turn the blame around and say that you or the children ‘make’ him act this way. It’s what they do.

Flower x

[Author]

Posts